Forgiving the Wrong Doer

The wrong doer

Is not allowed into the sunlight

She consists


Of all those stupid things I have done

The wrong doer is not alowed out

Into the warmth

Of my approval

She is the wrong doer


This part I used to hate

Of late


I pity her

No adulation



From the small wrong doing inner child up

The wrong doer

The shadow self

Stands defenceless

Gone astray

I would forgive another their transgressions

In a heartbeat

Yet I cannot forgive myself

These stupid mistakes

Instead they are pilloried

Set high on a shelf

Displayed like criminals

I make them sit straight in a row

Punish them


With scorn

The shame from which they were all born

I avoid looking upon her face

These parts of me worn

cowed and beaten forlorn

Tonight I saw her sad eyes

As I walked by

And it hit me

Before I can even begin to start truly loving myself

I must love all of me

Which means of course

Embracing the wrong doer too

And even truer


The wrong doer is worthy most of all

For it was these led astray moments of hers

That taught me

To be a better person

*here’s a post I did which I found this morning about mistakes and shame – it’s along similar lines and has a link to Brene Browns famous ted talk about the futility of shame – if you haven’t watched it I highly recommend it.

21 thoughts on “Forgiving the Wrong Doer

  1. I think often that if I hadn’t “failed” so utterly a couple times in my life I wouldn’t have compassion for human frailty and a belief in redemption for others. Yet i can’t help wishing I’d chosen more wisely and even though I know you are completely right here, my missteps haunt me. An abortion when I was young … such stupidity to allow that to happen at all … we didn’t have the information we have now. That’s the biggie, but I wish I’d done differently on a couple other smaller scores. I would forgive others before I can forgive myself… still I know intellectually it is all interconnected and some of the better things I’ve don are a result of this utter failure… who knows.

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    • “I think that I’d I hadn’t “failed” so utterly I wouldn’t have compassion for human frailty” this is absolutely what I believe. I also believe that once people can forgive themselves and learn from their mistakes they can move on to become deeper and better people. Reflection is as powerful as forgiveness but it is ultimately self forgiveness that allows a person to move forward. It is a difficult thing to do as you have yourself found. Some people are attracted to religion as someone else may absolve them – I’m afraid my sense of personal responsibility is too strong to accept that. I do believe that once you have forgiven yourself, taken on board the experience and the learning and made the necessary changes within – you can go on to become a (sometimes extraordinarily so) valuable member of the human race – probably more so then you were before. Who knows? Maybe that is why you had to undertake the journey so far. Maybe it was your teacher. I hope you can forgive yourself and move on. I forgave you in an instant as I believe a woman’s body is her own and the mental scars of an abortion are a terrible load to carry – sending you love and compassion.

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    • It set off a great deal of pondering in me writing it – very worthwhile reflection though and I clarified a great deal. Feels nice to welcome all the parts of self home rather living in a fractured way where only some may enter. All seems obvious now but that is what I love about poetry – it is like a drive which shifts the large and confusing until only the chunks of gold realisation are left. Hope you find your own clarity on this.


  2. Absolutely lovely 🙂 I try to make friends with the many Mares of me. Daily I instruct them on the fact that we all must get along and play nice with each other if we are going to have any kind of goodness in our day!
    Ahhh, the beauty of accepting all that is and has been……….

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  3. The Past only exists in our Memory of it, for it is already History, unchangeable, gone. Thinking is the continuation of the past into the present, where it prevents us from ever being alive to this moment, it clouds the present, thus nothing that is new, fresh can come into being. Thought must cease, for the new to be. When there is no thought clouding the airwaves, so to speak, we become open to the eternal present, where all life exists. There is no life in the past, it is a dead thing, it is the Memory of War, that encourages New Wars…… Wake up^ in the morning with the eyes of a new-born baby, and endless possibilities present themselves…..Just Saying…..George ________________________________

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