I awoke in fright
Of things to come
My imagination has a loud voice
At 3 o’clock in the morning
It was the things speaking
That pile up in corners
The undone tasks
The summer clothes
Piles that have to go somewhere else
And anyone looking around
Would say
It’s tidy
Beautiful
But there are all these undone things
And they wake me up
Saying
Let’s be working
And once the light is on in my head
it starts talking
So I sigh and make coffee quietly
Take the first sip
Open the list
And begin writing
They say cortisol wakes you up early in the morning. The stress hormone. There are posts all over the internet, that will tell you how to bring cortisol down. This is not one of them.
I only know that when I’m writing and living a creative life, something wakes me up at 3am. I don’t think it is cortisol, I think it is my imagination kicking in. I’ve learned to ignore the anxious thoughts that it delivers in order to get my attention at 3am. They are simply the dark side of imagination, the creative spiral, launched in the opposing direction. The temporarily stationary cord that my mind plays with like a cat, batting it back and forth until I reframe and channel it into something creative.
The mind, or my mind anyway, is used to being occupied. When it is not, it begins to poke around in things that shouldn’t concern it. The things I can’t do anything about, the things I can, and the things I’ve completely forgotten.
Thoughts are things when they haven’t got anywhere to go, and like things, they must be put somewhere or I continue to trip over them.
Writing has been a blessing in this regard. If I truly cannot go back to sleep, I get up, and begin, writing. Action will trump anxiety every time, but it is difficult to find an action that doesn’t wake the entire household at 3 am. Writing provides the outlet. So here I am. Good morning.
Off to the side is the list, the all important list to take the words that spiral and dance and write them down in boring, plain, blue ink. I reach the bottom, tap my pen, the mind says “I really thought it was far more concerning than this”
And I say “no, it really isn’t, if I can write it down in plain blue ink then I can take care of it, later when there is a bit of sun about.”
So mind goes back to sleep
And I take up the task, of revising my book. Again.
Header Image: AI generated here in WordPress, how handy. I actually don’t have a pile of washing on the chair – that would send me bonkers as all clutter does. But otherwise, yes books everywhere and coffee. Have a lovely day. Soon I’ll be out walking in it, which is my second cure-all for a mind that thinks incessantly.
