The shadow of who we think we are looms tall and wide
It blocks the light of potential that shines inside
Every
Single
Person
We have to confront this false thing again and again and again
And it’s painful and raw and humbling
We tumble through space at a thousand clicks a second
Frozen in place by a sudden swoop of disturbing emotion
Realising and sighing in defeat
Don’t
We are human not saints
Therefore we stumble and fall victim to the ego that whines and stops short of who we wish we were
No one is so noble, and comparison is the ultimate lie
We try
Going forward we try
And that in itself, knowing all of the mayhem and darkness that we contain
All of the lightness and brilliance that we also often refrain from stepping into because it’s just as terrifying
And the conflict that these opposing things must surely wreak
Tangling side by side every time we open our mouths to speak
Feeling our pride hurt
Or whims forestalled
Feeling our day ruined, when actually, expectation did all of that but how do you cut expectation off at the knees?
And reading a thousand wise texts will not help us when we are caught under pressure in a guileless moment
We will not behave better until we become better
Nevertheless
We try
To
Become
Better
I will only ever fail on the day that I turn away and say well this is me and I will stay here, as this flawed individual
I will not change
I will not try
Anymore
And standing up again after being flattened by your own volatile self censuring voice
Is an act of courage
For after all – we are our own most furious critics
And for that small thing that turns into a larger thing, and then becomes an enormous counterpoint to a life going forward
For that small thing I applaud
Anyone who tries – lives as a verb – moving forward
