The shadow of who we think we are looms tall and wide

It blocks the light of potential that shines inside

Every

Single

Person

We have to confront this false thing again and again and again

And it’s painful and raw and humbling

We tumble through space at a thousand clicks a second

Frozen in place by a sudden swoop of disturbing emotion

Realising and sighing in defeat

Don’t

We are human not saints

Therefore we stumble and fall victim to the ego that whines and stops short of who we wish we were

No one is so noble, and comparison is the ultimate lie

We try

Going forward we try

And that in itself, knowing all of the mayhem and darkness that we contain

All of the lightness and brilliance that we also often refrain from stepping into because it’s just as terrifying

And the conflict that these opposing things must surely wreak

Tangling side by side every time we open our mouths to speak

Feeling our pride hurt

Or whims forestalled

Feeling our day ruined, when actually, expectation did all of that but how do you cut expectation off at the knees?

And reading a thousand wise texts will not help us when we are caught under pressure in a guileless moment

We will not behave better until we become better

Nevertheless

We try

To

Become

Better

I will only ever fail on the day that I turn away and say well this is me and I will stay here, as this flawed individual

I will not change

I will not try

Anymore

And standing up again after being flattened by your own volatile self censuring voice

Is an act of courage

For after all – we are our own most furious critics

And for that small thing that turns into a larger thing, and then becomes an enormous counterpoint to a life going forward

For that small thing I applaud

Anyone who tries – lives as a verb – moving forward