There is a callus
That develops
In the middle of the chest
In children as we are hurt
The greater it spreads
By the time we arrive in adulthood
It is difficult to breathe
Think
Speak
Through anything but hard scar tissue.
So
there is a need
to take a scalpel
and slowly start to carve
until eventually
we find ourselves
once again
able to speak
think
and feel
through the freshly exposed heart
*I can feel it now. When I react from defensiveness or those old scars – that hard place. My humour is biting, protective, deflective.I become a little cynical or sceptical, sometimes uncaring. Sarcasm snarls. Anger unfurls, or perhaps it’s a simple case of a churlish, childish response.
Which I always regret later – I deserve better than regret for poor behaviour
I think it is not something that is ever dispensed with, the wound, it can be dressed, ointment applied. Hidden.
But I’ve found it is more helpful to recall it is there. And then act rather than react.
Only a few raw and courageous individuals, ever heal completely. The rest of us feel the pain daily, acutely at times. I think however, we can all develop the ability to allow a little space, reach for grace instead of looking through the hardened callus.
It makes all the difference – I know it has for me.
And anything can become a habit
Even thoughtfulness, kindness, forgiveness, openness and courage.
It’s a far happier, lighter place to live from.
These days I mentally withdraw (if I can’t physically) from conversations where I feel myself hardening.
I forgive people quickly, because the more I see it in myself, this callus, the more I witness it in others (and how can we not have compassion for someone who is walking the same trail as us, and finding it all difficult. )
Because it is. Life is so difficult, but it’s also beautiful.
In the header photo is my dog Bodhi. Dogs are who they are and although ill treatment can lead to altered behaviour, on the whole, they are incredibly forgiving, loving characters. We don’t deserve them. some consider them dumber or less than. I think not only dogs but many animals have higher order intelligence- they live with an integrity humans can’t match in the wild. Wolves for example, elephants for another.
They are capable of learning without developing a callus. And yes, I had to spellcheck that word and am still doubting it as I want to spell it callous – which of course is the description of behaviour that no doubt arises from an over development of the former.
