How words define us and destroy us

 

 

I’ve been reading a book today.

About humans.

It nearly made me give up on this writing thing – this dreaming thing. This doing thing. Humans are so crazy. On an individual scale it is laughable. On a global scale – as a pack culture – mad and dangerous.

Our brains are so incredibly plastic that we have become…whatever they told us to be. “They” being parents, school, the system, our peers, our very long piece of string that calls down a well and echoes back to us “you are…”.

and whatever that voice, those words say – we become – as long as we are  agreeing with it.

But what if I’m not what they say – or even my own rule book describes. What if I’m just infinite potential. What if our school report read “infinite potential” and it should – because we are.

We have a rule book in our head – written by others. With an addendum added by us. We stick to this mad thing. In spite of everything and …it is never going to change. Everyone is in a dream – their own personal dream and from there they tick and flick against the others that they come up against in life. Worse – they tick and flick against themselves.

I am …no good, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not enough.

She – is a terribly thought provoking woman.  🙂  I am dumb. I am depressed. They are ludicrous. He is disgusting. They are……….what busy minds we have. And with all the judging and the preoccupation with judging  – few think to add to their troubles and do anything out of line – out of sync with the rule books. God no – they judge themselves. And stay small. Because small is easy – large looks messy and .. lawless.

And it all began

With the WORD. Bible – read it – interesting book full of words. Words that have been used to persecute, humble, illuminate, hate, love – control a whole heap of other people that have their own words – their own books. So they push back with their words.

Without words entire wars would not have started.

And people steal words. They put words into another person’s mouth when they assume. When they whisper, when they slander and lie. When they praise, when they raise when they’re humble and they’re kind.

So people steal words. They break words. They use them frivolously. They use them kindly. They use them for peace and diplomacy. What to do about words.

So you see my dilemma as a wordsmith – should I even bother? To add my words into the mad jumble already piling up in the filing cabinets of other peoples minds?

We were wild once – before the domestication. I like that theory. I agree with that theory and had been espousing just that theory all week (which I thought was mine!)to my avidly listening husband (alright I made that up – he was asleep) but that is the point. We are all asleep – we are all asleep – until we wake up and see that. That we are all asleep or just speaking.

Without speech where would we be? Silent and forced into the nuanced  intuitive world of the animal.

How does a cow gossip?

It simply doesn’t bother. God how peaceful must cows be!

Does an owl whisper to itself “Oh no too many feathers – I have to pick skinnier mice – I must go on a diet” God how peaceful must owls be! And yes, very ,very wise.

And because of that their heads are free – spacious, unrestrained by the containers placed around them by words – ours or their own.

Free to live. To truly live.

I look at my dog Bodhi and think – how gorgeous she looks, how bouncy and loving and kind. She doesn’t hear me describe her as any of these things, although she can feel my love when I shine it at her. Why don’t we just shine our approval, our disapproval, our sadness. Instead of saying it – then others won’t get all the useless words that accompany the message. The impatient mother that snaps and lashes out saying “oh for goodness sake you are so vane just pick a dress – lets get moving.” To the child that then worries she is vane as well as all the other things that her thoughtless mother, her teacher, her peers have told her.

Stop putting out lights and hopes and dreams with words and instead start using them to lift the ones around you. To lift yourself. To free yourself. Words are transformative and life changing. Words are magical.Respect the Word be more like the animals.

Animals in their spaciousness heads who live on intuition and the memory of being, doing. Not words. Imagine the hawk simply flying and observing – not telling himself a thousand different stories of success or failure in his head. The Hawk will indeed succeed or fail in its hunt but it won’t tell itself that it was because of the colours of its feathers. The size of its feet. It’s lack of ability. Hawks are hawks and they are just hunting.

Humans are humans and we are just…

Words.

Before words told us who we should be and where we were failing and could do better and should do better and she said and he said an they said – that is a good place to go back to – that first word.

Then cancel it. And instead just be. If people could just be and not be seen to be …lacking, brilliant, amazing, awful, disgraceful.

Then people would be. They would just be.

For what word describes the state of no word.

………………..

Truth.

That is the only thing you can be if you want to be anyone.

You can only be truth. Start from there. Don’t listen to what “everyone” has told you that you can do or can’t do. They are only operating from behind a set of beliefs imprinted on their brain by themselves and their experiences, their “everyone” in their own little world.

What do you love? What do you think? Start thinking for yourself  and not defining yourself by the words you have been told. The containers that you have been given and that you have built around yourself.

The power of words on our psyche is humbling. When I think of all the little kids that were told, are at this moment being told – all sorts of nonsense by hurtful ignorant parents that themselves are damaged. The loss of power and potential in those little ones, the sadness – is heart breaking.

Please instead use your words thoughtfully. What are you saying to others about them and about yourself? You are spreading words. Are they good words? Are they transformative words. All words are transformative. All words are powerful. From second to second millions of lives swing on the word. What they eat. What they drink. How are simple choices damaging the environment? But mostly it is what they think. Mostly what they think. In the own little world of words. In their messed up crammed full head – that is full of words – talking to them.

Do I add to this with my words – my blog now and the book I am writing?

Do I add to it in my own head?

The “what will they think” “what do I think” and I did worry.

Right up to the point where I realised that I was gifted with the power to change someone’s life simply by them reading my words. This is what my original intention was with doing this blog. I wanted to help someone, everyone see that they are beautiful. I wanted to be good words, life changing words – not just useless or thoughtless words. I wanted to push back at the proliferation of bad words and terrible messages that is creating damaged people and a numbed down, dumbed down society of people who can’t think for all the noise in their heads. The words in their heads. The wrong words.

We are all defined by words. Words on a report card scrawled by some tired and busy teacher in the middle of the night. Words whispered behind a hand to another about someone else – who they don’t even know. Words on a doctors reports that say “three months to live “- when that person may in fact recover. Words. They can be useful or useless but mostly – they are magical and powerful. They change minds. Use them carefully. Please and with very good manners.

Use them carefully when you describe yourself to yourself and when you describe your daughter or son to them. Don’t tell them they have a terrible singing voice or some other such nonsense.  All singing voices are beautiful. Be careful with your jokes. Watch that they are not hurtful and come from a place of true fun and humour. Because you could be hurting someone, leaving a scar on someones mind. Be careful with your words. I have my reminder to now – to be careful with my words. Because I haven’t always been, I just haven’t always been so careful with them.

The book is the Four Agreements by Don Mequel Ruiz. It describes the source of self limiting beliefs which prevent us from being free to do and become whatever we want. It was a good book to read at this beginning time. A timely reminder.

Who are you? And what as Cheryl Strayed asks “what do you plan to do with your one wild  and precious life?”

The video below is a further reminder to speak to ourselves carefully, to speak carefully to our body and those around us. The power of words is extraordinary to touch others lives, use them wisely.

The beauty of mistakes

Lessons learnt.

Thats all they are.

Lessons learnt.

Why is so much pressure wrought on people who make mistakes?

From the awkward social faux pas to the grave transgression – a scale of judgement is summarily applied – the temperature of which lists lightly from sotto voiced behind hand whispers to the outraged heaving of an all out twitter lynch mob. I’m not famous enough for the latter but I’ve certainly suffered through the former. It isn’t pleasant especially since at the time I was probably already hard enough on myself.

Shaming is indiscriminate of age. Once a child becomes a teenager (or thereabouts) they are deemed to be “up for it” blamed, shamed and gossiped about. The fact that they are still learning so much about themselves and the world around them combined with the pressure cooker of social media smacks of blatant unfairness. But it doesn’t matter – mistakes seem to eternally have the same outcome.

Shame for the perpetrator. Blame from the crowd and hello listen to an awful mindless soundtrack stuck on repeat.

This is a great pity for obviously it makes people less inclined to be courageous and risk putting a foot wrong. Mistakes are messy things however they are also the seeding ground of learning and bravery. Mistakes are great proponents of growth. Nothing like getting your fingers burnt on a hot surface to know (with great certainty) not to touch it again.

Sometimes in life you have to bumble about making a few mistakes and seeing what works and what doesn’t. In fact it is absolutely necessary to do exactly that if you want to attain any level of wisdom and strength. The worst that can happen is usually a bit of cringe burn. If I had died from third degree cringe burn at certain times (alright quite a lot of times) in my life then I wouldn’t be here today but luckily nobody actually dies from embarrassment – it just feels that way briefly – then life scrolls on.

People get very upset about mistakes. High dudgeon is churned up in the wake of even the slightest of gaffs and don’t even begin down the road of a temporary waiver of the old inner moral compass. The thing is none of it has much to do with the actual mistake – everything (as everything always is) is about energy.

Energy is what makes the world go round. It is also what draws and repels people. Put simply (because I don’t want to get off track) everything that exists has energy and that energy can be measured. High energy lifts the vibration of everything around it. Low energy serves absolutely no purpose and becomes a burden to be around.

Anyway back to mistakes. It is a pity that people do not consider the energy that is directed back at them – back at the world as a whole with the most currently utilised model of dealing with mistake makers:

Mistake > Recrimination = Shame.

In energy terms Shame vibrates at the very lowest calibration (20).  Cultures and practices geared towards shame, guilt and misery understandably and predictably fail as they are stuck in a vortex which provides no way to learn from their mistakes.

To look for evidence of this is not difficult as entire socio economic structures clearly depict this model of failure not too far from our own doorsteps. Children growing up in poverty and relentless cycles of violence and shame. With no way out, no useful guidance – – they create their own mistakes and are harshly shoved back down to be consumed and rehashed for the fodder of further generational mistakes to be made. Drive past any housing commission estate and check in with how you’re feeling. Yeah it’s not a good vibe and a very simple display of how low calibration energy affects your body.

If energy is the thing which we all crave then the best we can receive by attacking a person and shaming them is very low. In fact shame pulls everything and everyone around it downwards. This is probably why people prefer to do it from a comfortable distance or behind the perpetrators back as the case usually is. After all self righteousness probably calibrates somewhat higher (pride and anger demonstrably calibrate at 150 and 175 respectively). 

A useful alternative perhaps would then be this:

Mistake > Reflection = Reason

Reason has a calibration of 400 just below love (500). If you want to look around you and see reason and understanding – feel that energy – reverberating throughout society then the second option suddenly becomes far more desirable.

Successful education and rehabilitation programs show that they are based on reflection and change in response to learning a better way of doing things. As people are offered pathways out of the lower non productive states of shame and guilt they start to thrive and become better equipped to make increasingly positive choices.

Imagine how much faster this process would be if guilt and shame were not applied in the first place. Imagine a world that operated from a base of reason rather than shame. Imagine a world of courageous people not afraid to try because they are not fearful of failing.

Imagine it and then start applying it in your own life because this is the only way that energy begins to rise towards higher calibrations. It starts with individuals choosing a different more positive way of doing things.  The impact that a single person operating from a base of reason can have is immeasurable simply because they lift others along with them.

Here is a great video with a Ted Talk by Brene Brown which offers further insights into the subjects of shame, vulnerability and how important it is to overcome paralysing self doubt in order to achieve our goals and plans. I found it inspiring – hope you do too.

*Note – Energy calibrations stated above are taken from Sir David R. Hawkins M.D. PhD book Power vs Force.