It’s got to go

They have to move back

They are sitting in seats intended for claps

Cheers

Applause

Instead I looked out into silence

Stum faces

Some even said

You shouldn’t

And I sat back down

Stupidly

But with maturity

And frustration

Comes the realization

That the ones sitting in the front seats

Observing your life

Can be shifted

Moved back

And instead

The quiet ones who always clapped

Always cheered

Should be moved nearer.

In reflection

It’s as I feared

A long time wasted

Listening to peer pressure

From people

Who were not

My peers

Peer; it’s a funny word, the longer I look at it the more I wonder if I have spelled it correctly- whether it, in fact means what my poetry fingers said it did.

But yes – my inner poet always knows what it is saying – I just have to let her write and then I can wonder back later

Peer: “someone who is considered an equal in terms of age, status, or abilities, often within a group or community”

Yes exactly equal, and yet we install family and friends who have no idea what we are doing, or how to be a poet or writer or photographer or entrepreneur, whatever it is we are doing as creators- and then wonder why they stare back at us blankly

Worse – we then take that blank stare, the lack of “likes” as some sort of authority on our abilities.

I stepped back from social media awhile ago and when I jumped back in with a new company and building anew, I again noticed the lack of any acknowledgement from certain people that I had raised on pillars around me simply out of some relationship connection or shared history.

And for a minute I felt the familiar old tug of “sit down you’re making an idiot of yourself” quiet admonishment that you can feel in these sorts of circumstances

“That’s just your perspective Katie, your head, and you are wrong” says my husband – who has never had social media, God bless his pure merino socks.

But I sighed deeply and waded into the algorithms and awkward because I believe in what I’m building and I’ve had enough of being shut down – by my own silly people pleasing if I’m honest.

Not people-pleasing across the board — just a few whose approval I chased, when in truth, they were never reachable. Not because I wasn’t enough, but because they were never looking.

Because they are different – not me. I’m fine – I just had the camera lens around the wrong way.

Besides I had something different this time. In my pocket, warm and golden, shone the small handful of testimonies that I had asked for from people in this community – just a few people, long term readers, genuine beautiful humans.

And almost at the same time I stepped a toe back in, I came across a post by an author JD Graham – I have always loved Jackie’s posts on Instagram – talking about the front row seats we award to people in our lives who may not deserve them

She said she moved her seating arrangement around

And it hit me, stupidly late in this life, that we can change who sits in our front row seats.

I’m pretty smart, this should not have been a moment of such insight and gravitas

But it was

If someone you love can’t hit like

Can’t acknowledge who you are

And how amazing that thing you do is

Shift them back a few rows

And feel the light change

It’s a beautiful thing and doesn’t mean anything regarding love, there isn’t bitterness. It’s just an “oh you don’t get it, don’t get me, well move back a bit because these people do.”

And a reminder – if you see something awesome in someone else – no matter who or what it is they are doing – even if it is just how lovely they look today – say it. Because we never get to tread this moment again, once it’s gone, it’s gone and sometimes, so are they. And you never know how much it means to- it could mean everything, to that person, in that moment.

It did to me.

There are many kind people in my world, but I want to especially thank Cindy, Michelle, David, Mitch, Camilla and Karla — the ones who, when I reached out a few weeks ago, offered sincere and heartfelt testimony

In doing so, your contribution to my creative life has been enormous. And thank you to every reader who has ever left a kind comment on my poetry here, it has never failed to be a spark that has warmed my heart and kept me writing.

Header Photo: Silt left behind after recent flooding, with cracks and flourishing new life breaking through. It looks almost like an aerial shot but was taken while my boots were firmly planted on the ground amid much deep conversation with a fellow photographer who I had only just met. This trip out west had the most interesting people crossing my path, many with lessons for me. Or perhaps that is just the way I perceive conversations these days.

Speaking of which Reveries Journal No. 4 should have been published also this morning on SubStack. click the link if you would like to read it easily from this screen.

Have a great week-end!