The wandering self

It is the tragedy of life

That our self esteem is a wandering thing

We think it firmly locked within

And yet it sneaks out in the dead of night

Tracks away into town

Following the lights

And music

When morning comes, we wake bereft


At the small shreds that are left tuckered out and torn


And then someone says

“Oh this wonderful this thing you have done!”

And radiance bursts over the skin

And self esteem awakes and wanders back in

Filling all the hollow places with warmth again

And you think

If I could just contain it this time


But you can’t

Not while it relies

On another’s opinion


One night will come

Off it goes again

Into town

Through the fields

Seeking the tonic

Of another’s advice

And more mornings will find

It gone

And your self alone


For it to come home

*I don’t know what the cure is but I know there is one

When I stand aside and do my work

Whatever that is

And no matter how great I feel about it

I know this fault line still hides beneath the facade of every creative being

It probably always will

What to do?

Nothin except


And keep working


It will forever be a duality

Of feeling

*And emotions are nothing but vibrations that move through us at any given moment. Some uncomfortable, some quite divine – knowing they are simply the constructs of the mind doesn’t make them any less difficult to feel

But it does make them feel less real


Breathe and keep to your craft

The rest will sort itself out in a couple of hours


Don’t stand there searching

Waiting and feeling lost

It always comes home

Let it be

16 thoughts on “The wandering self

  1. Gahhh, my WP is obviously playing up as I sent you many thanks and appreciations of this wonderful piece but. a day later, they are still not showing! Gahh indeed. By the way, did I say it’s wonderfully captured and expressed, this thought?? It is!!

      • It’s the moon! My tech has been all over the place – wifi just falls off a cliff in the middle of a long post that can’t be saved. There has been a fair bit of stomping out the door and eating snacks that I shouldn’t be just because of it. Then the moon wanes slightly and everything is ticketyboo again. There’s an energy to it that sends things haywire. My sister was a nurse and she said full moons and emergency departments were a thing too so there you go.

      • Ha, that is as good an explanation as any and deliciously arcane too 😉
        And yup, I know that stomping out muttering curses against the phone company, signal relay masts, wifi, the ether! Now, I should just accept my helplessness before the power of the moon 😉

      • Absolutely!
        I had a real estate deal that got into an awful tangle. I said to the real estate agent and my solicitor – give it a week – what happened? It sorted itself out.
        I would have played the part of smug genius but haven’t had time because I’ve been unravelling tech drama. The moon is waning, things seem to be calming but I am thinking publishing the magazine (and this month my new book) on the full moon is an exercise that may become a bit fraught! Perhaps a rethink is in order like a Wednesday when there is no moon or a new moon. You need to do some research into this Colin and write me a blogpost to come read 🙂

      • Glad you got the property stuff sorted but sorry to hear about the tech gremlins. Hopefully, they will be sorted in time! Fingers Crossed!!
        Haha, I have come across various nuggets about lunar beliefs here but nothing new. The new moon was auspicious and people waited til then to contract sales and marriages but then again, they used to believe that priests turned people into dogs ;-p

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