It is the tragedy of life
That our self esteem is a wandering thing
We think it firmly locked within
And yet it sneaks out in the dead of night
Tracks away into town
Following the lights
When morning comes, we wake bereft
At the small shreds that are left tuckered out and torn
And then someone says
“Oh this wonderful this thing you have done!”
And radiance bursts over the skin
And self esteem awakes and wanders back in
Filling all the hollow places with warmth again
And you think
If I could just contain it this time
But you can’t
Not while it relies
On another’s opinion
One night will come
Off it goes again
Through the fields
Seeking the tonic
Of another’s advice
And more mornings will find
And your self alone
For it to come home
*I don’t know what the cure is but I know there is one
When I stand aside and do my work
Whatever that is
And no matter how great I feel about it
I know this fault line still hides beneath the facade of every creative being
It probably always will
What to do?
And keep working
It will forever be a duality
*And emotions are nothing but vibrations that move through us at any given moment. Some uncomfortable, some quite divine – knowing they are simply the constructs of the mind doesn’t make them any less difficult to feel
But it does make them feel less real
Breathe and keep to your craft
The rest will sort itself out in a couple of hours
Don’t stand there searching
Waiting and feeling lost
It always comes home
Let it be
16 thoughts on “The wandering self”
Wonderful words Kate. ❤️Feels like our own opinions of ourselves should be enough, but they never really are.
We expose so much. Giving away pieces of ourselves to live in other minds – is it any wonder we go looking to retrieve them I guess Michelle.
True… but we’d be all alone if we didn’t.
So true – better to be open and giving – people always return the favour and if they don’t someone else does and then we end up a nice patchwork of a bit of us and a bit of “other”
Beautiful and true ❣
Yes Kate! I felt this way a bit yesterday but then decided to just ‘create’ something and let the feelings be…it’s okay.
Creating fixes everything. I do the same thing – just throw myself into something different and before I know it the mood shifts
Gahhh, my WP is obviously playing up as I sent you many thanks and appreciations of this wonderful piece but. a day later, they are still not showing! Gahh indeed. By the way, did I say it’s wonderfully captured and expressed, this thought?? It is!!
Thanks Colin got this one! I love your writing so much and my wandering self tends to go looking for your compliments so – please ensure they get through 😊 very important!
I do send them!!! This last week, the phone line has been so very bad and maybe that has merged with the WP gremlins!!
It’s the moon! My tech has been all over the place – wifi just falls off a cliff in the middle of a long post that can’t be saved. There has been a fair bit of stomping out the door and eating snacks that I shouldn’t be just because of it. Then the moon wanes slightly and everything is ticketyboo again. There’s an energy to it that sends things haywire. My sister was a nurse and she said full moons and emergency departments were a thing too so there you go.
Ha, that is as good an explanation as any and deliciously arcane too 😉
And yup, I know that stomping out muttering curses against the phone company, signal relay masts, wifi, the ether! Now, I should just accept my helplessness before the power of the moon 😉
I had a real estate deal that got into an awful tangle. I said to the real estate agent and my solicitor – give it a week – what happened? It sorted itself out.
I would have played the part of smug genius but haven’t had time because I’ve been unravelling tech drama. The moon is waning, things seem to be calming but I am thinking publishing the magazine (and this month my new book) on the full moon is an exercise that may become a bit fraught! Perhaps a rethink is in order like a Wednesday when there is no moon or a new moon. You need to do some research into this Colin and write me a blogpost to come read 🙂
Glad you got the property stuff sorted but sorry to hear about the tech gremlins. Hopefully, they will be sorted in time! Fingers Crossed!!
Haha, I have come across various nuggets about lunar beliefs here but nothing new. The new moon was auspicious and people waited til then to contract sales and marriages but then again, they used to believe that priests turned people into dogs ;-p
I think dogs are an improvement on some people – lots actually.
Haha, will do 😉 It is frustrating though. It’s just the luck of the draw if when I re-read a post that I scroll to look at the new comments.