The infinite loop

Breathing through a cigarette

Staring

Through a filter of smoke

Hands hard

A little girl, fingers curling nervously

Stands at her side

Eyes carefully empty

Except around the edges

Where she watches

Other boys with sullen eyes

Dropped lips

Glaring through fringes turned into cowlicks

By damp palms shoving them up up and out of the way

Bikes half cocked

Ready to rock

Endlessly patrolling streets

They’ve got a home that they carefully return to

Sometimes…

7&8

Going on 32

Ages are insignificant

The years roll by

Amount to nothing

Lessons learned early

What to avoid

What to hate

A world with nothing in it

But what you take

Work is for the entitled

Idle

Is for those with no name

Who live in a system that deals in shame

Shoves problems under a carpet and casts blame

On every other Government department

And we all nod and judge

Offer narrow advice

Still

I see those 4 year old empty eyes

And think

There must be another way

*An infinite loop in software programming means something that is set to code and then it just keeps repeating

The feeling

Is that it will never go away

Until something fundamental changes

A few weeks ago, an 11 year old aboriginal girl took her own life, she had been repeatedly raped for most of her sad little childhood

Violence and abuse is endemic in the more isolated communities

Probably everywhere really

I wouldn’t know, I live an entitled life, whereby I live with purpose and passion and continue to grow and learn and expand my knowledge

Some people are never given even a glimpse of hope and happiness

The idea that their lives could be big and broad and wonderful simply never enters into their heads

So sad

*I wrote this two weeks ago and didn’t post – I don’t know why, it didn’t have a happy ending perhaps

This afternoon on a completely different agenda my path crossed with those “sullen eyed boys”

Who I was with might have made all the difference – faces wreathes in smiles they settled in around her like birds, all talking at once

An extraordinary story

An extraordinary woman

I can’t wait to bring you her story Issue 4 – next month. Some times I pinch myself as to my life right now as it feels like it is turning inside out. The gold was on the lining, all the time.

6 thoughts on “The infinite loop

  1. Entitled. I’ve been thinking about that word since reading your work. That’s an interesting and loaded word. Since it always seems to be associated with money. The accepted use of it in my country seems to mean poor people are entitled to more and and rich people to less, though somehow the opposite is the reality–according to the narrative. It has both the connotation that if you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you are “entitled.” But there is also the connotation that if you were born poor, you are “entitled” to what other people have. And if you feel entitled, here these days in the US, you are likely possessed of collective guilt since there are few actually living guilty people. But of course, it has meaning not attached to money: allowed , authorized , deserved , deserving , desirable , due , earned , eligible , empowered , fit , having the right , justified. Interesting it means “earned” when to some here it’s come to mean just the opposite. It’s become a political word which is too bad. It implies relative materialism and short cuts a word that should be so much broader. WE’re all entitled to some things that have nothing to do with social constructs or guilt or lack. Or we are entitled to nothing –any of us — which is probably closer to the truth. I’m not certain if it applies to anyone on the planet or everyone. I guess that’s because I don’t believe as much in circumstances at face value since they so rarely can be qualified as “good” or “bad”–it’s impossible tell since all circumstances are linked together in a gigantic chain. One leading to the next. Nothing is inherently good or bad. Not sure how it applies in this universe or the next where parallel lives exist according to physics and where one’s circumstances are possibly entirely different. Or we exist not at all. It’s one of those words that tends to divide when it shouldn’t. And implies people don’t “help” when I’ve found them to more often do the opposite. Bottom line: there seems to be no way to end discrimination and entitlement or lack of it where money is concerned WITHOUT discrimination and perpetuating the fatal flaws in the human condition. Which is ineffably sad. However, there is no limit to people who are willing to help. I hope.

    • Thanks for your thoughtful comment Lyn. I absolutely agree that we earn our entitlement to wealth by hard work. However, I didn’t earn who I was born to, where I went to school or even the concept that I could do whatever I wanted in life. My parents and my upbringing gave me those things for which I am intensely grateful. It’s like I simply began a race so far ahead of some of the other kids that were born at the same time and of course there were plenty ahead of me too.
      We can’t control our starting blocks in life but we can be aware of them and reach out a hand to others where we can and help them. I don’t have any guilt for where I am but I do have a great deal of gratitude. I am fortunate so I try and help others instead of ignoring them – especially the kids, some people can’t even extend a smile. I always have one of those at the very least.

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