I awoke in fright
Of things to come
My imagination has a loud voice
At 3 o’clock in the morning
It was the things speaking
That pile up in corners
The undone tasks
The summer clothes
Piles that have to go somewhere else
And anyone looking around
Would say
It’s tidy
Beautiful
But there are all these undone things
And they wake me up
Saying
Let’s be working
And once the light is on in my head
it starts talking
So I sigh and make coffee quietly
Take the first sip
Open the list
And begin writing
They say cortisol wakes you up early in the morning. The stress hormone. There are posts all over the internet, that will tell you how to bring cortisol down. This is not one of them.
I only know that when I’m writing and living a creative life, something wakes me up at 3am. I don’t think it is cortisol, I think it is my imagination kicking in. I’ve learned to ignore the anxious thoughts that it delivers in order to get my attention at 3am. They are simply the dark side of imagination, the creative spiral, launched in the opposing direction. The temporarily stationary cord that my mind plays with like a cat, batting it back and forth until I reframe and channel it into something creative.
The mind, or my mind anyway, is used to being occupied. When it is not, it begins to poke around in things that shouldn’t concern it. The things I can’t do anything about, the things I can, and the things I’ve completely forgotten.
Thoughts are things when they haven’t got anywhere to go, and like things, they must be put somewhere or I continue to trip over them.
Writing has been a blessing in this regard. If I truly cannot go back to sleep, I get up, and begin, writing. Action will trump anxiety every time, but it is difficult to find an action that doesn’t wake the entire household at 3 am. Writing provides the outlet. So here I am. Good morning.
Off to the side is the list, the all important list to take the words that spiral and dance and write them down in boring, plain, blue ink. I reach the bottom, tap my pen, the mind says “I really thought it was far more concerning than this”
And I say “no, it really isn’t, if I can write it down in plain blue ink then I can take care of it, later when there is a bit of sun about.”
So mind goes back to sleep
And I take up the task, of revising my book. Again.
Header Image: AI generated here in WordPress, how handy. I actually don’t have a pile of washing on the chair – that would send me bonkers as all clutter does. But otherwise, yes books everywhere and coffee. Have a lovely day. Soon I’ll be out walking in it, which is my second cure-all for a mind that thinks incessantly.
People (meaning some well-meaning relatives) nag me about coffee and patchy sleep but I’m with you Kate. It’s the cycle of our mind and we who own it get to ride it.
~
Absolutely DD and I would rather have this kind that wakes me up then the kind that would bore me to sleep 😂
Sure is relatable and although I wish you peaceful sleep, always, I greatly enjoy your writing. 📝
Thanks Michele I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and I love your writing too 💕
Thank you, Kate! 💕 I am honored.
ahhh you’re still posting, Kate; a wonderful post; I relate to many of these things, including the early morning summons to begin writing down the lines in my head; thankfully not till towards dawn; I love the line: ‘my imagination has a loud voice; I did my lake walk yesterday, gym today: physical exercise keeps us sharp —
A lake walk sounds lovely John.and I’ve only recently returned – this time to stay hopefully as long as distraction doesn’t come along 😊
stay on the straight and narrow, Kate 🙂
Yes and walk the line – or write it as the case may be 😁
I appreciate your awareness of your thoughts and your use of writing to distract yourself from your concerns. Writing is a way of reframing your thoughts and telling them now that it’s not the time.
Well said Maria, that is so.
My imagination has a loud voice.
That’s my next piece ♥️♥️
I’ll enjoy reading it 🙂
I will sure tag you
Splendid
Beautiful write up
Thank you 😊
“Thoughts are things when they haven’t got anywhere to go, and like things, they must be put somewhere”
I like this.
I have a Trinidadian colleague, (lovely guy), when we talked about my difficulty waking up in the morning he was mystified. He just gets up when he needs to be up, he doesn’t need an alarm clock. I didn’t care to mention my snooze button habit.
If I ever see three am these days, it is when I’ve been sitting up long hours processing my fruit harvest, that will begin at the end of next month, ahgh!!! I enjoy it each and every night, but it catches up with me.
I get up a little earlier as old age creeps up on me, but 3am is never going to be likely ( :
I think we all have different internal clocks – I am in bed by 9pm most nights if not sooner and find it difficult not to nod off if placed in a comfortable chair anytime after 8 pm really. My kids tease me about it but then I rarely lose at pinch and a punch so these things level out 😂 cheers Kate
Walking is good for creativity too, I think, but I see insomnia works well for you!
Oh I’m not an insomniac – just a very early riser at times 😊