Kicking your own Donkey

Not a reference to animal cruelty of course

I mean ass as in posterior, rear, bottom, etc but this post isn’t about bums

It’s about

Paradigms

A buzzword at the moment – everyones talking Paradigms – or rather

Paradigm Shifts

For those who need a refresher on why a paradigm is:

So, behavioural patterns and after watching a great video by Mel Robins (which I included far far below) I drew a chart which roughly represented mine

It was a little confronting

I saw how lost I was in distraction – which I will confess includes:

Reading books that do not have anything to do with my purpose (although I do not know exactly what my purpose is, I do know it has nothing to do with reading nightly romance novels and watching Netflix) hmm could be research for my book???hmm probably not.

Other forms of distraction include social media not a great deal since I dumped Facebook – but enough. Lately I’ve been stalking Trinny Woodall on Utube and Instagram – the woman has so much positive energy she makes me happy

Also following google trails to recipes I will never make and window shopping things I will never buy even though I happily put them in my virtual shopping cart and then quietly close the page.

There are other forms of distraction but this is getting embarrassing – suffice to say I am easily distracted (which is noted on most of my primary school report cards so I had observant teachers in primary school)

Distraction has drilled a hole in my daily bucket through which escapes a sometimes terrifying amount of time and energy

I have also come to realise that I use distraction (as probably a lot of people do) to avoid

Avoid doing what I should in case I fail

Avoid feelings I don’t want to have and thoughts I don’t wish to think

It’s hard work being a human who thinks

And thinks a lot sometimes

In my defence I did try and tackle this at the beginning of the year – as you will see in my brilliant debut film offering – if it ever uploads to UTube so I can download it efficiently here

Not to give the plot away and ruin your viewing experience – but I think the mistake I made at the start of the year was in not making my intentions clear and the path to those intentions steppable

Also – obviously

Not following them was a problem too

In my new paradigm – you will see no pie piece for work.

I don’t have a personal “work” I am an accessory to my husbands work – a very busy accessory and a very necessary one – yet alas – still an accessory. I do the administration, attend meetings, generate and distribute a lot of paperwork, pay the men, pay the bills, send the bills and that sort of thing.

I added it into the family and relationships bit.

Well actually I forgot it altogether but that’s where it is now.

Family and relationships

I am a little stuck on the issue of accessory – I don’t have the time for another job, sometimes I think about getting one so I am not just an accessory but then I would be both an accessory and an employee (probably working on something I don’t have a passion for) leaving me even less time for my purpose (which I’m unsure of) so … I am in that phase where I know what I don’t want

(On the subject of accessory I realise that the more empowered word here is business partner and I have used that word when my self esteem demanded it however it’s not doing me any favours to ignore the fact that I really need to be working on my own dream – it’s fine to assist loved ones with their work but at the end of my life I want to feel I was actually in it)

I still have to step over into what that life looks like

It is becoming clearer since I faced reality and prioritised

If you read yesterday’s post you will understand when I say I’m in the Grand Canyon of thought yet I have a map – it’s just going to be a long hike

And a lot of editing – I’ve actually got 3 books on the go but they dried up around 50,000 words or so

Not due to writers block – but more probably the work of being an accessory and distraction

But I have got plans

So

So

I really need to move my paradigm

I really don’t mind if you skip the video of my process – actually please do it’s a pretty bad and I reckon you have got the drift from my writing above – I wouldn’t include it but it took an hour to upload 🐌

https://youtu.be/EHJFm7MElEI

But here is Mels and:

https://youtu.be/IaBg1XzDnSU

please watch this – it’s nowhere near as compelling and emotionally moving as mine of course but it is actually good (as opposed to….mine which we shall agree is shite)

Header image: not a donkey – our horse Cool Hero’s lovely curves – she isn’t the most cheerful of horses but then it is awfully dry at the moment and she has to wait for the useless human to bring her food – there’s

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