Can you tone it down
I’m sorry is my light shining in your face?
Well you better close your eyes
I don’t cover up in armour anymore
It is heavy
It sticks to things that I’m not
And blocks my flow
Poetry leaves no places to hide
If you try and insert them
The words go awry
And the rhythm begins to jar
So I could tone it down
Write in a little less of me
I don’t see the point
Truth is a necessity
The process brings the writer into alignment with self
And the universe
Not necessarily the reader
So the purpose my friend could not be clearer
It is an unravelling
And unravelling rarely looks neat
*its been an uncomfortable time the last fortnight. Since I decided to join my poetry with Facebook
Do I tone it down because suddenly I’m sliding a plate of my poetry in front of people who actually know me and knowing I am a writer and a poet and actually reading my work is
Two different things
For me at least.
I’m from a small rural town.
Different looks odd.
I’m far better at it then I used to be but I wouldn’t be human if my skin didn’t feel a little burnt sometimes
I’m walking along on my morning trail – a guy I know pulls up beside me in his Ute – we chat around and around – finally he asks if I’m okay.
You know with that “are you okay??” deep look
Oh it’s the poetry I think
“Of course mate” I laugh and wander on
People aren’t used to it but they’ll get used to it
I may as well have walked into the pub naked
I’m sure I would have received a more “normal” response then dropping my poetry on Facebook and offering a whole book of it for sale at the newsagents
Life goes on
I’m stronger and I have to say – losing all that civil armour feels good
Everyone is wild at heart – they just don’t let it show until the veneer of alcohol thins enough to deem it okay to dance and sing and yell I love you at 12pm
I’m drunk all the time
And the soberest I’ve ever been
It’s a good feeling
Brene is right you don’t get to courage without traversing vulnerability
And vulnerability is the only way to truth
Every morning before I post I have to ask myself – do I put the armour on and walk away or do I leave it on the hanger – all that weight and
Just be me
As you would imagine
It’s getting really easy to hit post
What makes you feel vulnerable
For me it’s
Writing and sharing
Walking into a party or event
Opening up and being authentic with people (I still like to reach for the cover of banality or humour)
Riding – there are a lot of things that can kill or badly injure a motorcyclist but my love of it keeps me doing it
It’s Saturday, my bike is full of fuel and I’m off for a ride.
Another lesson in vulnerability
You can read a few old posts I did on motorbike travels below – (just noticed the dates – that was 4 years ago! I’ve done plenty of trips since these but I take my bike and that way of travel a little for granted now, reading these old posts bought it all back – nice)
Header picture is one of my inspirations Brene Brown.
14 thoughts on “I’m drunk all the time – and the soberest I’ve ever been”
This is an amazing piece. Great work! Thanks
Thanks River – I almost didn’t post this one – just shows the ones you hesitate with are probably the truest.
You’re welcome, glad you posted it.
Love this, Kate. Sometimes, people can’t handle our truth. It’s so much safer when we cover up in our armour.
It is safer Rosaliene. It feels far more comfortable. As emotional and highly communicative beings it is probably a requirement of society that we sit down, shut up and fit in however the people that conform at the cost of their own creativity and loss of personal power become sick and weak because their life is built on fear of judgement and in avoiding (at all cost) the archetype of the pariah. I probably think a little too much though 😉
Kate, we can never “think a little too much.” We humans don’t think enough about what’s going on in the world outside of ourselves. That’s our real problem!
That’s what I think too Rosaliene it’s just a case of being told “you think too much” I think
This is my favourite poem you have done it reminds me of the song Alone
I don’t know that song Lily – will have to google
Oh my goodness I love this :0) I’ve been told my entire life that I need to tone it down, my ex left me in public places with out a ride because he couldn’t handle it……..Turtles and zebras shouldn’t live together…….they are both lovely species though. CONGRATS ON 900 FOLLOWERS!
The varicose veins on my legs make me feel vulnerable and my loud belly……I call him Chewbacca…there’s a client I clean for and she can hear him clear across her mansion…..she’ll call out “How’s Chewy today?” ……..Oh dear me! Enjoy your weekend, glad you are out for a ride!
Obviously the ex had a few issues and good work to you for making him an ex 😂
Brene Brown is a legend
That she is 😊