This is what I was thinking of a bit sadly today
My Dad had favourites
And it wasn’t until the end
That I think he realised
About all of us
Too late perhaps, when you have played favourites
Neither does my husband
We only have two sons but we couldn’t lever one higher even if we wanted to
They are just so.
Two by two
Equal in our eyes
Different in nature
But oh so special in their separate parts
How could this equal better
You enjoy your children all the more because of their differences
Not in spite of them
Dad had three sons
And he played his games
The first his favourite
The other two
Moving up and down in his good graces
Like the share market
Yet to me
All my brothers are amazing men
He had two daughters
He tried it with us too
But the thing is
Born so long after everyone else
I never quite belonged anyway
I guess I expected – not to be favoured
Yet it makes me sad
Because I don’t know that he ever saw the specialness
In each of us
In favouring just this or that one
He missed so much
Mum was wise
She knew each of us
It came back to her in large measure
From every quarter
That’s the thing with favour given
It is favour measured
And it leaves a certain arc
The demarcation of which
In the craw
6 thoughts on “Playing favourites is a bit of a shitty game”
Yep my father favors his son over his daughter–he lives his life vicariously through him, messes in his life, props him up–couldn’t care less about my writing or teaching, he’s a male chauvanist and women should marry well (not an exaggeration–he literally does not care), and my mother died when I was 39 who would have loved everything I do. In fact, he lets me know that I am stepping out of my place. I have three kids and I cannot imagine loving one more–each relationship is different–but we have NO favorites. I am pretty sure they all know it, too. One is handicapped and that takes a certain amount of attention, the other two are creative and hard working, one maybe slightly less conventional–but no way we have favorites. Sad for children when that happens…
I think it can be a little confusing. Dad was a complicated man with a complicated upbringing. I know he loved us all but I think he was guarded and extended himself further in some directions then others. It falls the way it falls.
Jase and I marvel at your poetry, it is truly a gift. You say so much with grace and flow……..
It’s awesome to watch our children come into themselves. I’ve always told mine that it’s ok if they don’t like me or want a relationship with me, they don’t owe me a thing. Thankfully none of them have taken me up on that!
I marvel at the boys all the time. They seem to have this innate sense of who they are that I never had at their age. When we had them I knew they were perfect – my job was simply don’t stuff them up. I tried really hard not to – I do have regrets things I should have done better – in the end they are still awesome. Your kids are all great Mare and so are you.
Thank you ❤️ the regrets are a tough one for me.
You’re exactly right, they come to us already perfect, our task is to keep them aware of that and alive 🤣 until they can be out on their own.