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Human Doing Business

Aside Athousandbitsofpaper23 Comments

“I have a lot of very serious things to do today

You can’t come”

And I walk down the stairs on my way to reality

But then I hear you thumping along behind me

Whistling a little tune

That rhymes and rhymes and rhymes

“Stop!”

“This is exactly why I’m leaving you behind

Now be a good girl

And shhhh

I have to do up spreadsheets

And an agenda

It’s all very important and I can’t have you smooching about singing poetry”

And there is no further noise behind me

And no warm glow in my heart

The way is cold and dark

And the tower echoes

But I walk down down down

Into reality

And I close the door carefully behind me

I don’t look up

For she is in the window waiting impatiently

Words tripping over her tongue

I don’t look up or she’ll wave at me

I don’t look back

Sever the chords

And spend the day attending to reports

But I will need her when I return home

Because my God

The business of being a human doing business

Leaves me lonely

*There are days when I don’t want to do what makes money. Days when I want to be a poet. And even though one could say well that’s easy, take the poet with you everywhere – some days I cannot.

Imagine taking a large affectionate Great Dane into a cold office. The office is white and non distracting, because you have to use it to work in. If there is a noise, all the very sensible people look over their glasses and frown.

The poet is noisy.

Left brain right brain thinking. Poetry gets in my head and sings. I cannot make it go away and the difficult thing is I love it so much that don’t really want it to go away. It is sunlight and purity and peace and church. It is creation, blowing bubbles out of nothing that turn into words and feelings neatly encapsulated like art. I never get tired of making that art. And, like a kindergarten child – I think it beautiful and just want to stare at it all day or make more, more, more. But the other half of my brain needs all of its shit together to go to a meeting.

So there are these two halves, at war. And discipline tells me that really, the difficult should triumph. But my soul says nothing needs to be difficult and that I make it so by thinking it.

And the war rages on

Between what is sensible

And what is beautiful

But if I die this afternoon, I would really wonder what poem I shoved out of the way, which poem I didn’t breathe life into and bring into the world – because I decided that some report was more important instead.

But it is more important

This

Precise

Moment

So…

Close the door, don’t look back

And pray she doesn’t get tired of waiting for me and instead go visit some other poet who treats her better and gives her the respect she deserves. Because she is the sound of my heart beating, if not my heart itself – and I really can’t do without her voice in this whit cold world. W

Written 7/4/22

23 thoughts on “Human Doing Business”

  2. It’s so sad that we can’t give ourselves so completely to that which brings life to our hearts. That these forms of expression don’t make a living for us… though, if it became our livelihood, would that put pressure on us and then jeopardise the creativity? We may think that can’t happen, but perhaps by being deprived of so much opportunity to be creative (timewise), it fuels our creative spirit. Like a cliffhanger ending, always driving you to come back for more.

    Perhaps it’s just more balance that would be best for you. Some kind of passive income which allows you to reduce the soul-killing monotony of”work”, so you can give more time to the poet.

    Reply

    • I actually have an amazing creative life most of the time. I work from home for our own business so can be a bit flexible in what I am focusing on. The trouble is I’m in love with poetry and writing so I tend to lean heavily on that side of my brain and less so on the other – the bit that makes the money and organises the admin. Balance is exactly what is required but I am spoilt so I have to just be more firm with my poet – which is what I was struggling with in the poem 😊

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  3. Know the feeling, Kate. As I work from home, I create and do business in the same work space. To separate the two sides of my brain, I reserve the morning hours for business matters and work on my writing projects in the afternoons.

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    • But how do you manage when inspiration can strike at any time – especially the hours allocated for business? Do you just ignore it and hope it’ll come back later?

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      • I wrote this poem and then wrote three others because it was that sort of morning. I think you have to write down the inspiration when it strikes. Even if you try to write it later based off some notes it is not the same – it is more forced and therefore less good. Always write as much of it down exactly as it sings to you or you really do miss out. I’ve had some beautiful poems that I just let slip through my fingers because I thought I would wait for later. It’s never the same so these days I just write as they turn up. Most of the time they only fall in the gaps anyway, when my mind is quiet and listening. Meditation is a minefield but I put poetry above peace of mind but cause poetry often leads to peace of mind anyway.

      • Great question, Yacoob? I’ve had inspiration when taking a shower, while washing the dishes, on awakening during the night from an unsettling dream, while waiting for the bus…. For this reason, I always keep a notepad close at hand to jot down the idea, scene, sentence I was struggling with, or dialog between characters. Strangely, when my brain is tuned to business matters, I succeed in maintaining my focus. Perhaps, this is because I spent several years working in international trade before becoming a writer.

  4. Wow! Kate, this is absolutely heart-stirring and lovely 🥰 I wish that I can just write out my heart everyday. The two brains crowd one another and when I “have” to do business it’s like putting a baby to bed, knowing it will be up soon needing attention! I know I’ll never write everything I feel~but oh, I wish. The last two days have been “technical” work, and a bit of a stomach bug, which definitely makes me feel less “human” than I am with words. ❤️💛♥️💕

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  5. I usually need to go searching for the writer, and too often I don’t find him. After 500+ posts, I’ve used up all my stories. At least the ones I want to tell.

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    • Thanks Laura, it happens to all creative types I think. There aren’t many of us that make a living from what we love so we have to make a livelihood from something else so that we can come back to what we love ❤️

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