It isn’t as bad as we think
And it isn’t as good either
The head can be a dark place
Full of terrors that we install there
Eye opening anxiety that pounds the heart against the ribs
And leaves us
A few days later
Things are better
Life is rosy
Life is good
Life is never as bad as we believe it to be
But it is never quite as good either
So we stick to the middle road
The extreme peripheral
Is an unreliable region
in which to place our emotions
*hormones, diet, the moon – are the stars in alignment? So many factors to consider when entrenched in the fantasy that is our living.
We project, we dream and we focus on things heavily until they drop away from reality and become lodged in our brain, a worry stone that our mind tumbles, over and over.
Last night was one of those nights when every damn worry and anxiety presented itself to me.
It was like I was having a grand ball in my head and reluctantly greeting unwelcome guests. My mind announces the arrival of Lord and Lady Will my Boys be okay?, Mr and Mrs retirement Plans, Miss Income Tax 2022, and this went on for hours. I got up, and ate a banana.
Brilliant for sleeplessness by the way (the banana, not the ball). I did a bit of yoga and then went back to bed, and as I snuggled into the pillow I thought “there is good here too, I just can’t see it at the moment”.
That wise little thought closed the door on the milieu, the noise ceased, and I went to sleep.
And there is good as well as bad
All the time
We just don’t necessarily notice the dark when we are blinded by the light, and vice versa.
In the middle of a wonderful day, moment, we don’t think of the bad, we are rapturously caught up in joy.
In the midst of bleak – we see only darkness and worry.
Neither vision is accurate.
It’s never as dark as we think, and it’s never as light either. But we have eyes to see, and this awareness of the opposite helps keep our perspective balanced. We don’t need to be switched on and off against our will. We can form our own steady beam.
I love this clip, it’s short and sweet. De Niro is now the voice in my head when I feel myself getting wound up or down. It’s a lovely voice.