The reckoning

Why must the balance of joy

Be pain so wide and so deep

I cannot hold it?

Not everyones

At least .

They must carry some

How do I only eat my portion?

When if I could solve this mess by taking it all I would.

But if I take their pain

I may also steal their joy

And I wouldn’t want that.





*I don’t know if I will post this – perhaps it helps others I don’t know. It helped me to write my way through it. To glean the wisdom from the choke of poison

It’s ironic that I have been thinking so much about balance lately. Levelling. Reckoning. Accepting the totality of life. The good, the bad. I had thought myself all over this subject matter. Personally at least. And because of my cockiness, the universe delivered me a snap test.

Here I sit. Typing, writing, trying to rid myself of the tension and racing thoughts

Because that is my job, I hold us all together

But maybe it isn’t my job. I just think it is.

When you try and take anothers pain, you may also steal their joy and forthcoming wisdom

I wouldn’t have become who I am, a little bit wiser for each time pain stole my joy and replaced it with a lesson.

Frankly, I prefer the lesson, it’s real and true and lasts. Wisdom is not easily stolen the way that joy is, nor as readily transferred to some other emotional state. Learning lays foundations that become unshakeable and solid later in life

Perhaps that is why in our youth, we are given so much pain, so many lessons, so much struggle in order to overcome, transcend and learn

So perhaps I will just get out of the road, let this ball go through to the keeper

Header photo: mine, the sun is huge and burning as it rises. I took it this morning, didn’t realise it was a warning. The early sun was filtered through soft fog, which is why I was able to capture it in all its intensity.

Truth is like that. It burns like the sun, sometimes we need to filter it through softer emotions and words, like the gentle fog. In order to look at it, handle it, without it burning our eyes out. Truth and difficult discussions need to be softened, distilled, refined.

I try.

15 thoughts on “The reckoning

    • My blog is a place to leave a paper trail if experience as I grow myself, I have a long way to go, if it helps someone else than I feel very happy about that. Thanks for letting me know Suzanne 😊

  1. I like the metaphor of Limbo: sometimes you are stuck there, like when I had my golden staph infection, for days , but then you take antibiotics, and i lifts, because you’re feeling physically well again; body and soul are aligned —

    • I have always fought limbo. I think it is human nature to try, even when the results are not happening, to do something, anything. Realising that it truly is an in-between state and that no action is required or necessary, is something I found less stressful. This is a moment of challenge and action in another person’s life, I am merely a soft place to rest if required.

  2. I think pain is often the best way to learn a lesson in some cases. It’s unavoidable and a part of the balance of life as you mentioned.

    • Certainly not. You are not alone Monty, all of us are part of this cycle of joy and pain. We are either up or down or on our way between classes. I have found in the past that although I recalled after the fact that these crappy times do end, I would get lost half way all and feel panicked and all the other negativity that awful times deliver – nowadays I try and remind myself of the old maxim “this too shall pass” and it does. Keep your chin up and look for the lesson. It’s all we can do, all we can control. Sending you a gentle hug, life is just crap sometimes my friend, best we can do is acknowledge that and sharpen our pencils. ❤️

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