I love people
I see something I never saw
when I was younger
and usually so terribly nervous
I see their softness
The flight of their eyes
The tumble of hands
Gestures
And I understand so much from watching bodies talk
I stand in a room full of people in the grasp of communication
And the quieter I am
The more I see
Humans
Are very beautiful to me
The more they drink
The louder they become
The less I can hear
And my skin starts to hum
I know it’s time to withdraw
I leave quietly by the side door
I’ll come back later
Pick him up
For now
I want to go home
To my small dog
Half a book
And the fire
But it’s not with the same urgency or shy escape as when I was younger
It doesn’t matter if it takes all day to get to the car
I walk with sure measured steps
Puffing warm smokey breath in the cold night air
Looking up into a millions stars above
My boot heels are grounded
A small smile as I recall how someone said
Or did
People are good
Great even
But I’m not missed
I’m happy on my own.
And my wag body dog
Is very happy
I’m home
Love this, Kate! I am a “leave quietly by the side door” kind of person who loves to observe and appreciate, too. 😊 A book, fire, and dog sounds a happy ending to me!
It was Michelle. After awhile I am too full of everyone and everything – I just have to get away and unwind. It’s not that I don’t love people, I do, but large groups are a bit overwhelming.
I understand. 🌻
Quite relatable. As a guy who used to overdrink in every situation, I now get quickly disgusted by the slightest hint of intoxication. I’m sure that disgust is directed at myself, but instead I direct it outwards at others. I’ve become a social hermit since I gave up alcohol, and I’m sure this is part of it. The other part is undoubtedly social anxiety that was masked by alcohol. I’d much rather be at home than out in public.
I think when we give up alcohol there is an adjustment period where we have to relearn social engagement without all the props.
I don’t mind if other people drink. Whatever they want to be is fine and I have some very funny and open conversations with people when they have a few beers in them. The Send Off was in a packed room, the people who we were sending off, were highly valued and loved locals. I was there for a few hours and wouldn’t have missed it for the world, but the density of bodies and noise begins to get to me. I think alcohol forms a buffer for nerves, but mine were sober and becoming strained . Plus I could hardly hear and therefore concentrate on some of the more interesting conversations. So I came home. But I understand your perspective Jeff, I always overdrank too, possibly in an effort to anaesthetise the same sensitivity that I now utilise as a tool instead of the handicap I used to think it was.
I relate to this as well. I think we’re of a similar bent. You express wonderfully the grace with which you inhabit both worlds. ❤️
If I have any grace now, it is because I well and truly did my time in that awful field of awkwardness. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self so many things.
You and me both, Kate!
❤️