Unearthing foundations and beginning again

I’ve been at least a couple of people at any one time

Parallel souls

Different vibes

Divided

Sometimes fighting

Within myself

I was the drinker who loved to party

Next morning sad and smarting

Overplaying conversations

Worrying about who I offended

Finding out

It was mostly just myself

I’m an adventurer

Who wanders way out on a limb

And bounces

To the sound of my own inner scream

Telling me over and over

To come down

Play it safe

Lock the doors

Just in case

I would buy stuff I don’t need

For some inner queen

Who my bohemian hoards then

jeered at

And more lately the vegan with strong ethics

And principles

Who lets herself down now and then

Just to be easier to get along with

Sound familiar?

Yeah well we all have our inner critics who are difficult to get along with

Outer ones too

Although

I’ve lost my need for external approvals

I have enough trouble controlling the foibles

And turmoil

Of my inexplicable innards

Welcome to 2019

Last year I began in earnest digging at my piers

My foundations

I had had enough of the inscrutable nature of my structure

What did I stand for?

What was habit?

What was real?

What did I truly believe in?

What required more proof?

I let the ropes drop

Go loose

Working out

What gelled and stuck

And what fell away when struck

With the stick of truth

Turns out there’s a word for this

It’s called integrity

Inner sovereignty

Ownership

Undivided loyalty

To self

And moral principles

That will do, I thought

That’s all I need

I’ve come full circle

As a child I proved immovable

On things I didn’t agree with

Like many children

That inner fire is slowly doused

In order to produce a malleable human being

It’s just the way it was

Is

And it’s obscene

All these wonderful creative imaginative little human beings

Streamlined into schools and ways of living

Conformity

Uniformity

Neat and tidy

Painted beige

Broken inner spirits

Snap!

Come back

Find out who you are

Be that.

Be that 😘

2 thoughts on “Unearthing foundations and beginning again

  1. Jase is at the airport returning his little ones to their mom. I enjoyed their authenticity. Most of it is still there in his 9 yr old, fading in his 11 yr old. She was enthralled with the idea of blogging so I gave her my log in information and she wrote a post. It is both wonderful and heartbreaking. Fragments of self. She’s entering the metamorphosis of adolescence. I do hope she continues to write. It’s a good lesson for me to share MY blog lol 🙂 It’s all in the letting go

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s