I’ve been at least a couple of people at any one time
Parallel souls
Different vibes
Divided
Sometimes fighting
Within myself
I was the drinker who loved to party
Next morning sad and smarting
Overplaying conversations
Worrying about who I offended
Finding out
It was mostly just myself
I’m an adventurer
Who wanders way out on a limb
And bounces
To the sound of my own inner scream
Telling me over and over
To come down
Play it safe
Lock the doors
Just in case
I would buy stuff I don’t need
For some inner queen
Who my bohemian hoards then
jeered at
And more lately the vegan with strong ethics
And principles
Who lets herself down now and then
Just to be easier to get along with
Sound familiar?
Yeah well we all have our inner critics who are difficult to get along with
Outer ones too
Although
I’ve lost my need for external approvals
I have enough trouble controlling the foibles
And turmoil
Of my inexplicable innards
Welcome to 2019
Last year I began in earnest digging at my piers
My foundations
I had had enough of the inscrutable nature of my structure
What did I stand for?
What was habit?
What was real?
What did I truly believe in?
What required more proof?
I let the ropes drop
Go loose
Working out
What gelled and stuck
And what fell away when struck
With the stick of truth
Turns out there’s a word for this
It’s called integrity
Inner sovereignty
Ownership
Undivided loyalty
To self
And moral principles
That will do, I thought
That’s all I need
I’ve come full circle
As a child I proved immovable
On things I didn’t agree with
Like many children
That inner fire is slowly doused
In order to produce a malleable human being
It’s just the way it was
Is
And it’s obscene
All these wonderful creative imaginative little human beings
Streamlined into schools and ways of living
Conformity
Uniformity
Neat and tidy
Painted beige
Broken inner spirits
Snap!
Come back
Find out who you are
Be that.
Be that 😘
Jase is at the airport returning his little ones to their mom. I enjoyed their authenticity. Most of it is still there in his 9 yr old, fading in his 11 yr old. She was enthralled with the idea of blogging so I gave her my log in information and she wrote a post. It is both wonderful and heartbreaking. Fragments of self. She’s entering the metamorphosis of adolescence. I do hope she continues to write. It’s a good lesson for me to share MY blog lol 🙂 It’s all in the letting go
Lovely – will go check it out!