I want to learn the guitar
Better and to a pro level
I began
But then something else came along
I want to learn the piano properly too
I want to get back to painting
I want to mould the clay
But there is only so many things we can accomplish
On any day
We have to make choices about time
And how we spend it
Who we spend it with
As we grow older
It appreciates
As do we
That there is only so much
That we can give away for free
Carelessly
If there is one thing I miss about youth
It is the feeling of expansiveness
Like whole days could be blown
Lying in bed
With a hangover
The currency of time thrown at people who despised us
Yet we still tried
Some nights would pass
And the sun would come up
And I would still be engrossed in a conversation with an idiot
Who would never change
Still, I would feel that I could
If I just argued more passionately
That I would be understood
And the dancing was all about the song and the beat
Where now it is almost spiritual
As is music
And I think both less and more
About things that matter
And the things that matter
Are deeper
Finite
I can see the edges of things that were once blurry
And yet need my glasses to see the edges of things that were once clear
Life
Is a juxtaposition of loss
And gain
And the more we let go of
And change
The more some things remain the same
And although it seems circular
I pick up news
On each revolution
And by the next
It is already losing sense again
Just when I understand something
It slips away
The “I am smart” moments are fleeting
So now, I don’t ever bother with a feeling of achievement
There is no time for podium steps
Or even stairs at all
There is a narrowing
A broadening
A quickening
That’s quite extraordinary
I’ve been thinking about death
As the edge of a stone
Eventually all knives must be thrown away
There is a point where they are sharp and useful and keen
And a part where they lose blade altogether
Become thin air
And the handle that once held them
Is all that is left
And then we find out
It was never the handle that mattered anyway
*my husbands father has a butchers knife that was probably his own fathers. It has been stone sharpened to a paper thin curving strip – which fascinates me. How long has it got that knife before it disappears altogether?
Photo taken ages ago…
Awesome! Very descriptive about the fleetingness of time.
Thanks Robert!
Feelings and thoughts expressed beautifully. Have a lovely day 😊
Thanks Dilip 😊
I have read this many times today — a really beautiful and meaningful write. Time and death have been on my mind a lot recently during COVID… how best to spend this very precious commodity when there are so many things we could / should / want to do with it. The answer is changing, just like we are, and I am absolutely feeling that the days of feeling smart or achieving of anything are over. The more I learn the more I realize how very little I know.
It’s humbling the curve and I’m sure it is supposed to be. Every time I even feel the tiniest puffed chest coming on now I release it in a chuckle – because I know it just won’t last. Life is an amazing ride or it can be, just got to fly by the seat of your heart ❤️
So much to do, so little time. especially as you get older. Four hours on WordPress seems like two minutes. Where does the time go.
Up in smoke – I am packing a lot of time down hard and jumping on it just to cram more in each day at the moment Len.