When you’re in the trees

I’ve been a bit of an idiot – follow along with me and I’ll tell you how it went..

Where are you hitting the ball?

First rule of golf

Placement of body

Your stance

Alignment

Look where you want to go

Right, got that?

Now bring your eyes back to the small white ball on the ground

Don’t take your eyes off it

And swing

If you followed all the correct steps to alignment

and kept your eyes on the ball

Nine times out of ten

You can now watch the magic of that little white ball

going exactly where you wanted it to go

It’s a very simple game, golf

Humans make it incredibly difficult

And when you get it wrong

You’re in for a frustrated march through the shrubbery

I’ve been wacking about in the bushes the last few days and just like golf it has been growing increasingly frustrating as I hit the ball harder and harder and achieve absolutely nothing except more solitary hikes around the outskirts of the fairway, seemingly growing further and further from the little hole at the end, marked by a flag

The goal

I lost sight of it around Thursday last week

Maybe even before that.

When I began this magazine venture I was in alignment and to be honest everything looked fairly easy

Perhaps a Par 4

Then that pitfall of all golfers appeared

Water

And it just got wider and harder to cross the more I looked at it

I am speaking in metaphor

Parable

Because sometimes allegory adds so much to the lesson and I don’t want to learn this one again

My water trap was money.

We are told that success is measured in money

We are told that if we do something we should be paid for it

I did an entire module on money and belief systems in life coaching

You know what it showed me?

(and what I seem to have forgotten here)

Money isn’t important to me

Never has been

Never will be

It’s not that I think it’s toxic or anything

Love the stuff – it’s very useful

I just know that I’ve been broke and happy

And I’ve been moderately wealthy and happy

The thing that makes me happy isn’t money

It’s creativity

When I was broke I still made art, although I use the term loosely because some of my earlier creations were a little dodgy perhaps

But it made me enormously happy to make them

And they were cheap

Now I have a moderate amount of money

And I haven’t spent any in weeks simply because I’ve been so happy creating.

When I’m not being creative

I spend money on other peoples creations

But they don’t make me as happy as making my own – nowhere near it

With my writing at the moment and in particular Audacity magazine

I haven’t been this happy in a long long long time

Creating makes me whistle and bounce and laugh out loud

A lot

As soon as I switch my focus though, from creating the best thing I can just for the pure joy of watching it come to life to “how can I make this pay?”

Things become difficult and I begin wacking into the trees

And what annoys me most is I’m not even doing it for me, because I don’t care about money

I’m doing it for Steve – because I don’t want him to be working so hard anymore

I want him to enjoy life as much as I do

Because I enjoy my life so much I feel guilty right now and if I can turn my passion into money

Then he can go surf

And I would love that

Would I surf?

Hell yes, but I would then be straight back behind a computer because I love writing

And you know what is doubling annoying

Steve would hate it that I am doing this, like this, for this reason

So it is a lose/lose situation

As it is

Any time a beautiful thing is turned into an exercise for making money

And I’m mentioning it here – because it is something that happens to many people

And I don’t think you shouldn’t make money from what you make

Not at all

You should definitely be paid

The devaluation of art and creativity right now is on a scale unprecedented in human history

So yes being paid is important

Just don’t focus on how

Focus on the creating

The how will work itself out

The oldest self help manual in the world will tell you that

“To give and not to count the cost, to labor and not to seek reward”

Not because all that is due to you won’t be given and you are supposed to slug away like some sort of pointless slave

But because that is not the point of creation

I only need enough money to pay for my subscriptions for music licencing, video licencing, Canva Pro, Issuu and what not

Basically I need my tools to create and for those tools to be paid for by my art – that is sensible

So I created books – which will hopefully sell

And Patreon (which isn’t working apart from my family and close friends coming on board so far) but its there and who knows down the track if I create enough value in the world, then the universe will start pouring some money in my Patreon piggy bank and my tools will be paid for

Other than that

I need

Just enough

The thing is about money is not that it is evil or anything

it is just distracting and in that it can become a snare

Entrapment

For focus

Particularly when you are doing something creative

You begin with all the energy and passion and enthusiasm

The process of creation itself sustains this so you aim higher and higher and everything is effortless and energy is unlimited

You are in the zone

Then someone says

“Wow – this is great – you should make money out of this”

And if you listen?

You are no longer just enjoying the game of golf and the fine spring afternoon, simply heading for the little flag at the end

You are aiming at this tree

and that tree

and the damn water trap that you can’t get over

and after awhile you forget you are even playing golf

and start maybe thinking – you know what? If the ball was bigger I wouldn’t have so much trouble hitting it

So you get a bigger ball

But then you need a bigger club

and pretty soon

The game looks nothing like golf

A few days go past and then your inner wise woman hands you a photo she has just taken

Because she knows you won’t listen to her – stopped listening three days ago

but a picture tells a thousand words

And you stare at the picture dumbfounded

You’re standing in the trees like an idiot with a tennis racket, a basket ball and jockey’s helmet on your dumbarse head looking sheepish

(Helmet? Because hell those golf balls come back fast and hard when you’re wacking them into trees!)

Ridiculous!!

Anyway, I saw this snapshot – thank you inner wise woman

I took some big breaths and stepped out of the trees

I did my 10K run yesterday and as usual that settles my animal

I have a body that gets toxic if it isn’t taken out and put through its paces – the energy stagnates in there

It cleared things up for me a lot

This morning I did my usual 5k then tromped around another 6km with the dogs

My animal is happy

It ate a healthy breakfast staring out the window

Suddenly I saw the flag down the end of the fairway again

I saw everything

I’m back in alignment

And now I’m going back to playing golf

Thanks for putting up with me in the meantime.

The magazine looks amazing this month. The stories humble me. Last night I sat up reformatting all of my new book (ebook and paperback versions) that is coming out the 1st October. Do I hope it sells well? Oh God yes please but my focus last night was on ensuring that the value and content and layout was as perfect as I could get it – not on the fifty schemes that can turn your book into a bestseller. Do your best and get it out there in a way that provides value and enjoyment was my only intent in creating.

As it should be

Focus is everything

I’m a poet and a writer and I love inspirational human stories, particularly about those humans creating growth and change in their lives. I’m blessed to have had the good sense and an idea to create Audacity because now I get to tell those stories and help other people.

I get a little carried away sometimes

That’s what we do – we’re human

I realize I lessen myself when I tell you the workings of my brain. Most people would keep their idiocy to themselves.

My brain, it comes up with really good stuff but at the end of the day it is just a computer. That is what I need to remind myself. The blog is my song line, it’s also my reminder.

I wonder how long it will take me to work my way around this course and back to the clubhouse only to discover that I’m back in the trees again? I have a love/hate relationship with golf and rarely play it but I understand the basics as I was taught by someone who knows the game well – a lot of “around we go again” just like life.

Thanks for listening.

It’s Monday.

This appointment is over.

Next drama please.

 

9 thoughts on “When you’re in the trees

  1. Getting paid for creative work remains a challenge for all of us in the profession. The number of books I’ve sold so far has not yet covered the costs incurred in the self-publishing process and promotion. There is, I believe, something definitely wrong with humanity’s economic model.

    • And I think it is becoming more toxic Rosaliene – the system is shot. Humans have thrived at the top of the food chain because they can creatively evolve but when we stop evolving ourselves and instead place that power into “things” to create for us such as is happening in AI and robotics – we will very quickly descend and unfortunately once the art of imagination and innovation of the human brain is lost it will shrink back to knowing nothing – not even how to light fire without matches. Perhaps that’s what happened to the other inhabitable planets – what if this is the last one left and they were all habitable once? Thoughts like this…

    • Oh thanks Widds, I get annoyed with myself. I know this stuff and still trip over myself all the time. The only thing is I tend to catch on a bit quicker and retrace when I’m headed in the wrong direction a bit quicker then I used to.

  2. That was quite some journey you took us on! I have no useful advice to offer, heck, my kids don’t even take it haha. What I can see from reading this though, is that sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees 😉 That happens but you know that and you also know the value of taking stock, re-assessing and unwinding and then the forest isn’t so thick anymore. You yourself did that and were astute enough to catch yourself before it became overwhelming. Take pride in that. Take pride in your creativity and keep the joy as its important!! Oh and yup, hope Steve doesn’t read yr post 😉 Take care and stay well.

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