And my thoughts take me by the hand
What is good today
Will be too much tomorrow
And we think we can trust them
Slide my hand away
But who will I follow
If not my own thinking?
There are layers and layers
I’m constantly sifting
Through days where I eat too much
Think too much
Return to “sanity”
Is it all just how I wake up ?
Perhaps it’s a vanity
To even think we know our own minds
It falls through
Like clouds they drift
Another weather pattern moves in
Here for a day an hour a minute
Don’t listen to it
The voice in the head is a contrary pilot
*yesterday I was hungry all day, I ate things that I never eat and I just watched in fascination whilst I did it.
This morning I woke up in a completely different headspace it appears to be back to “normal” what even is normal?
Although this space appears geared in a healthier way, is it any more believable?
Last week I spent at least three days anxious and upset in my head and even though there was that watching effect and I knew none of it was real
It still hurt
Headspace is something we wake into every morning
It seems like a new land and out of our control at times
Awakening into anxiety is a reality for many
Headspace is what we are delivered and it’s not always a nice space in which to live
One of my favourite books when I was a little girl was the Faraway Tree series by Enid Blyton.
It revolves (literally) around a magical tree that has a new land visit every couple of days at its summit. The kids would climb the ladder at the top disappear into the clouds and visit whatever land happened to be there
Yesterday was the land of Take what you Want in my head and although it was fun, today I feel sick from all the bread and sugar I ate that I don’t usually want
My point is – none of its real but our head space makes it seem that way – if we are consumed by and live within what is in fact quite a temporary construct
Knowing this, doesn’t make it any less persuasive – I’ve thought and written about the life movie before, I know this dialogue and yet I’m just as susceptible as anyone
We all are
And I want to be
Living in a state of detachment is simply not possible full time and it’s not very desirable either
I haven’t been meditating lately – no time
But I’ve realised after yesterday that I haven’t got time to be feeling ill and making unhealthy choices either
So I meditate – the 20 minutes or so now, then 5 min blocks throughout the day as I need it resets my brain
And in doing so, for a time at least, I reclaim the real estate in my head
The land of balance really is a calmer and more reasonable place to live