And my thoughts take me by the hand

What is good today

Will be too much tomorrow

And we think we can trust them

No thankyou

Slide my hand away

But who will I follow

If not my own thinking?

There are layers and layers

I’m constantly sifting

Through days where I eat too much

Think too much

Overbalance

Return to “sanity”

Is it all just how I wake up ?

Perhaps it’s a vanity

To even think we know our own minds

Insert discipline

It falls through

Like clouds they drift

Another weather pattern moves in

Here for a day an hour a minute

Don’t listen to it

The voice in the head is a contrary pilot

*yesterday I was hungry all day, I ate things that I never eat and I just watched in fascination whilst I did it.

This morning I woke up in a completely different headspace it appears to be back to “normal” what even is normal?

Although this space appears geared in a healthier way, is it any more believable?

Last week I spent at least three days anxious and upset in my head and even though there was that watching effect and I knew none of it was real

It still hurt

Headspace is something we wake into every morning

It seems like a new land and out of our control at times

Awakening into anxiety is a reality for many

Headspace is what we are delivered and it’s not always a nice space in which to live

One of my favourite books when I was a little girl was the Faraway Tree series by Enid Blyton.

It revolves (literally) around a magical tree that has a new land visit every couple of days at its summit. The kids would climb the ladder at the top disappear into the clouds and visit whatever land happened to be there

Yesterday was the land of Take what you Want in my head and although it was fun, today I feel sick from all the bread and sugar I ate that I don’t usually want

My point is – none of its real but our head space makes it seem that way – if we are consumed by and live within what is in fact quite a temporary construct

Knowing this, doesn’t make it any less persuasive – I’ve thought and written about the life movie before, I know this dialogue and yet I’m just as susceptible as anyone

We all are

And I want to be

Living in a state of detachment is simply not possible full time and it’s not very desirable either

I haven’t been meditating lately – no time

But I’ve realised after yesterday that I haven’t got time to be feeling ill and making unhealthy choices either

So I meditate – the 20 minutes or so now, then 5 min blocks throughout the day as I need it resets my brain

And in doing so, for a time at least, I reclaim the real estate in my head

The land of balance really is a calmer and more reasonable place to live