Forever Thoughts

I am walking with Hoge’s

There are grain kernels and smashed carcasses of pink and grey galahs all over the bitumen road

The grain kernels are scattered from the trucks as they bring in the bumper harvest

The galahs are so focused on picking the kernels out of the crevices in the bitumen that they fail to hear approaching traffic

It’s sad

It reminds me to look up.

The other evening Hoges and I returned home

There was a noise in the grass and Hogan pounced

And then remained in place, strung taught like a string, staring at where the rabbit had last been

Even as behind him, the agile rabbit shot out almost running into me, and hot footed it away down the road

I watched him until he was safely away and then tugged my dogs lead

“Come on, come away”

It reminds me to look around

And indeed I do

At the first evening stars switching on in a mauve coloured sky

I breathe in and out and feel relaxation sigh through my body

It had been a week of turmoil

Finally straightened out when I found myself sat between two people who cannot speak to me anymore, but who I often hear in my head

It had been a while since I visited them

There I sat with one hand over Dads bones and one hand over Mums

Listening to the evening hum of insects thinking of what they might have said and done

Memory is a wonderful thing like that

And although there was six feet of soil and grass between us

I heard their whispers, their laughter, conversations from long ago, making sense even in the present moment

Their wisdom, my folly and so many questions unravelled by the simple sitting and recalling what they were like and how they would tell me

No one loves you like your parents

Others can know you, know parts of you, they can love and cherish and hold you

But not quite like the DNA patterns of your own blood

And although I probably looked a bit odd

I sat there until we were done

Talking without words

Listening without words

Staring into the abyss of self that shimmers in front of us when we are thinking

Not living

It reminds me to know that time is passing, that nothing else really matters

Look at them

They were once fifty

Now they’re dead

So do what you love, but look up, look around, and then head down again

No one is so special that they live on forever

And nothing is so important that the wrangling of it causes you to lose your life

Perhaps even while it is passing

Because life happens to us, around us, through us. It happens whether we are looking or not. It is not convenient or even nice sometimes. It can be very annoying and upsetting.

“I haven’t got time for this!”

Problem, trouble, sickness, accident, chaos

Yet it arises

And so must we

Every day, because we are so fortunately free

To be able to make decisions one after the other after the other

Equilibrium is difficult to find. I have looked for mine in many places, mostly nature

At times I find it, at times it is simply a matter of letting time run itself out a distance, and then slowly drawing it back in again

Mostly I have learnt to let turmoil be, until it turns into peace

Eventually it finds me, walking along a road somewhere with a dog on a lead, and I breathe

Much as I did this morning

Good morning to you, and have a lovely day 💕

19 thoughts on “Forever Thoughts

      • It is weird Colin. Its taken me a long time to be able to sit and remember further back instead of recent history and how ill my parents were at the end of their lives. Its actually a lovely experience to visit them now, and I go far more often.

      • You are right Kate, it is weird! I think maybe we were too close to see the change? To me, my parents were locked in my mind to some mid-70s snapshot. I never really felt them age. However, when I see the last photos, I think “how on earth did I not see how ill they had become!” The mind plays with us, always.

  1. The underlying theme of this piece reminds me of Howard Jacobson’s ‘Shylock is my name’. Thid is a compliment, in case this needs saying.
    The imagery that you use will stay with me for a while, I think.

  2. Your post is full of wisdom. Reading it was like discovering a very interesting world and I’m very curious and will read more of your stuff. Many greetings from Italy, from my dogs and my cats.

    • Hello from Australia to Italy 🇮🇹 thanks for your lovely comment. Dogs and cats! I have heard of them co existing but have always just stuck with one species – dogs. I would like to have cats but they simply won’t get along with the dogs or my wildlife – cats tend to hunt the birds which I would hate to lose – they are my alarm clocks for one thing, and my great enjoyment for another.
      I look forward to hearing from you further – enjoy your day (or evening) 😊

  3. This is a beautiful piece of writing, Kate. So full of meaning and love. I particularly like the line, ‘Mostly I have learnt to let turmoil be until it turns into peace.’ I shall try to take a lesson from this powerful yet gentle statement. Love to you, my friend Xx 💓

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