There is a lot in me
Far too much to contain at times
It can come out in “wrong” ways if I let it
So when I feel too much
And can no longer expand without busting
I take myself off
And breathe into vast spaces that can hold me
And then I can go back to being normal again
With just the right amount of energy
Not too much
Or too little
Not too smiley
Not enough that would give it away or make anyone uncomfortable
Just enough to fit in
*I don’t care about fitting in anymore thank goodness, but I do prefer the feeling of being balanced and not overly emotional. Big days like Mother’s Day with all the history of myself with my Mum, the regrets of not always living up to my high (read impossible) standards with my own kids. Just everything really.
I thought I would be best going to let off my steam on a long drive to a beautiful place in nature that I love. Settling down, doing some writing, getting it all out and then returning.
And then I was fine again.
Able to behave like a normal person.
I don’t know exactly how that feels, normal – but I know what it looks like. Calm, collected, not overly energised or talking too much. An adult.
And that’s what I am able to do once I have processed my vast emotional field and condensed it into something that will fit back in my chest again.
We all have vast and unexplored interiors – looking into natures mirror, her hills and valleys, shadows and brightly lit folds, her endless skies and broad horizons, helps.
Happy Mother’s Day – to all the deep ones out there X