You sit across from me
There are two here
and another one just there
But they don’t hear
you ask
“what is it you eat?”
with that half bored expression
of not really being interested in your own
question
And I blink
Start to think
Come – with – me
No I don’t want to go there
I am walking the dog
on this beautiful morning
Come – with – me
No I am in the kitchen
Bitching
quietly to myself
about nothing to eat
and the need to go shopping
Come – with – me
Oh alright
and I walk
To my desk
to write
Come – with – me
and I follow you
My heart is already beating
I’ve been here before
going deep
deep
deep
down a hole
No!
I don’t want to do this today
I’ve changed my mind
I’m walking away
Come – with – me
hear them bellow
stamping
eyes rolling
the truck rocking
as they look at me
and stand
to be carted
the meat on the wagon
to markets
and slaughterhouses
yet to me they are animals
scared
if anyone cared
to look
Come – with – me
No – I’ve got this sorted
I don’t need to watch this I’ve been here before
Come – with – me
No
But we are there and you turn my averted eyes
to their stricken cries
and I feel their pain
writhe with it
until my stomach is in knots and I don’t want to
cannot
look anymore
I’m going home
Your palm is warm
blood pumps from yours to mine
and back again
Come – with – me
Oh nooooo I don’t think so
Think I’ll just drink some coffee
forget about all this
Don’t worry I’ll make it almond milk
Oh shit
For we are here and I don’t want to see it
I am plunged into a world
Of sight sounds and smell
that breaks my heart
hers
her raped body
his kicked soul
her broken bones
broken homes
bombed cities
suffering
The ocean
The skies
The land
The cries
of people and animals
All suffering
Dante’s inferno and the
seven
rings
of hell
descending
never ending
yet it does
Then
Suddenly everything clears
no weather patterns drifting feelings
Trailing
dragging
dreamings
across my soul
An end to
emotional turmoil
down here
I am deep inside
my own mind
it is peaceful
here
and kind
of
homey
I thought I was dropping into hell
Limbo
Lust
Greed
Avarice
Pride
Heresy
Treachery
and all the rest of Virgil’s nine
but it was just
through it
to get to
my
own
mind
My original
Universal
and yours
of course
mind
And I’m home again
Back at the start
I fell
but I fell into my heart
So I walk
Through the trees
towards the light
and here it is
comforting
safe
eternal
I am both born
and dead
and living
at the same time
time doesn’t matter
anymore
for here we are
where we’ve always been
and everything else
is just a dream
And I blink
And I blink again
“Oh you know – plants and stuff”
“Where do you get your protein?” you ask
And my social mask
is back in place
A self deprecating smile upon my face
I shrug
Blow it off
None of this stuff
bothers me anymore
Apologies I have had to edit this post to quantify something.
Social Mask: I strive to never be less than authentic and don’t mean to say that I wear a mask but the thing is that when we are in public we have to cover up some of who we are. Because otherwise we would be walking around talking gibberish and crying all the time or laughing ridiculously loudly or…
You catch my drift? We all do it, we follow social norms in order to do the grocery shopping and have a cup of coffee without falling down the rabbit hole of our own minds and dragging innocent people down there with us 🙂
With certain friends and some family I talk freely and deeply but even then – even then we have to cover parts of ourselves in order to not be soooooo open.
What I love about blogging and especially in this personal style is that we don’t have to cover up. We can be exactly who we are and in fact if we do start to cover up then people can feel it and they don’t really connect.
People are amazing. I am beginning to understand that we are truly limitless. I look at someone these days and think “I really have no idea who you are” and that intrigues me. What do they really think? Who are they when they let themselves be who they really are? Who could they become if they tried? Who could I?
Limitless.
Intoxicating.
