You know how you look at a person

And you only see this side

Or that

Maybe full on

Maybe from the back

And it depends which way you approach them

How well you know them

As to exactly what they will say

Maybe you get the business version

Or the disco ball queen

Maybe you get the quiet

Reflective

Humble

Human being

Who allows you to see deep into their soul

Aaahhh how good is that!

But like an app

That relationship requires an upgrade and there could be costs involved

Costs to defences

How do you arm yourself against the defenceless

Costs to ego

When one is met with no clothes

One either gets naked

Or informs stiffly

Sorry – I’m just not into nudity

Which is a pity

Because the full version of anyone

Is pure authenticity

* I have a friend that when we meet and sit down to talk neither of us gets up for hours.

Sometimes we barely move – it’s just pure flowing authenticity, conversation and depth.

We laugh, we cry, we rage and we solve all our inner and outer workings together.

It is the sort of thing that I guess most people don’t talk about because it is so intensely special.

I wish a friend like that on everyone – I am blessed to have two – my sister is the same and to a lesser extent (only because I don’t see her as often) so is my husbands sister. Who I truly count as my own.

I have a couple of other friends that I don’t see as often either but when we catch up it is with intense authentic conversation.

This sort of conversation makes my skin buzz and my face hurt from smiling

I’m all in

As are they

It feels like flying

I am not the sort to chat about the weather and talking about other people, unless it is in the forms of ideas and inspiration that they bring to me

Leaves me cold and quiet and withdrawn

These women – my trusted few, know me on a level that just isn’t accessible by the “light” version of my app

There is a whole world out there like that

Although it has occurred to me that one of the other places where I show up in my full, ad free version is here on the blog – you guys get to see my authentic self as well because in poetry and in writing there is no benefit to hiding

The point of difference in your creative work is in fact yourself so to be anyone or anything other than your very own self is attempted fraud

And photocopies are never as good as originals

Anyway to get to the point of this post (hark it appears hold on!)

We all have a light version of the app that is our own

But poetry and writing and showing up day after day as my deepest self

In all my crappy glory

Is having the oddest effect

My app seems to have hit an upgrade behind the scenes

There is no light app available anymore

The free yet full version is what downloads now when I show up to someone

Anyone

In this world

And it’s the most freeing thing I have ever done

And if I had known that the expense of giving my full version away for free

Was actually costed on the effort of selling the light version that was supposed to be “free”

I would have just thrown in the upgrade for free from the start

But to be honest

I didn’t think anyone would ever have paid a dime anyway for the “light version”

You know

We think that people prefer the comfortable, easy to accept, non controversial, more palatable version of ourselves

But here is the thing

Not everyone wants your sort of app in the first place

They may just not be interested in an app that strings words together

They might be more into one that gives info on beers

Or tells you the best place to eat

Or a review of all the people in the town where you live in an entertaining fashion

So let them go buy that

Your app doesn’t work that way

Mine doesn’t

It strings words together and discusses concepts and dives deep into what makes this world function and how best to hack the system we are born with

My app is fascinated by the brain

I’ve actually taken mine out of the box and am eternally playing with it to find new ways it can work better for me

My app

Well..it’s just me

And I’m giving my full version away for free

Because frankly

From a buyers point of view

The light version

It’s pretty shit 😁

*When I reopened this blog last year I happened to read a post by Seth Godin (who has sold many books and is a creative genius). Seth said that having a blog was one of the best things he has ever done and despite his success in other fields he still blogs every day.

The reason Seth blogs every day, is because he reckons that if a person is committed to having to come up with a blog post (hopefully a quality one or at least one that is to the best of their ability) then it will be life changing.

Creatively speaking it most certainly is, which is why I do it.

The app thing – that was an unforeseen benefit. Perhaps it is due to poetry and its powerful voice, our own authentic voice, which can only ever be “speaking from the heart”

Perhaps it is the act of authentically showing up in a public arena day after day after day.

Whatever the cause – blogging is the best decision I ever made in life and I’m so deeply grateful for the people who show up and have conversations with me here and in turn show up authentically on their blogs for me to enjoy reading

WordPress is a special community

We are so lucky to have found it

*important note – my sons, my husband – they have always got the full version of course. Just sometimes they turn off a couple of the functionalities …like volume and deep conversation because …

I’m pretty full on if I’m left on all day 😂😂😂

Header photo via Unsplash because I can’t always find what I want in my own collection and I’m too busy sometimes to go create some.