You know how you look at a person
And you only see this side
Maybe full on
Maybe from the back
And it depends which way you approach them
How well you know them
As to exactly what they will say
Maybe you get the business version
Or the disco ball queen
Maybe you get the quiet
Who allows you to see deep into their soul
Aaahhh how good is that!
But like an app
That relationship requires an upgrade and there could be costs involved
Costs to defences
How do you arm yourself against the defenceless
Costs to ego
When one is met with no clothes
One either gets naked
Or informs stiffly
Sorry – I’m just not into nudity
Which is a pity
Because the full version of anyone
Is pure authenticity
* I have a friend that when we meet and sit down to talk neither of us gets up for hours.
Sometimes we barely move – it’s just pure flowing authenticity, conversation and depth.
We laugh, we cry, we rage and we solve all our inner and outer workings together.
It is the sort of thing that I guess most people don’t talk about because it is so intensely special.
I wish a friend like that on everyone – I am blessed to have two – my sister is the same and to a lesser extent (only because I don’t see her as often) so is my husbands sister. Who I truly count as my own.
I have a couple of other friends that I don’t see as often either but when we catch up it is with intense authentic conversation.
This sort of conversation makes my skin buzz and my face hurt from smiling
I’m all in
As are they
It feels like flying
I am not the sort to chat about the weather and talking about other people, unless it is in the forms of ideas and inspiration that they bring to me
Leaves me cold and quiet and withdrawn
These women – my trusted few, know me on a level that just isn’t accessible by the “light” version of my app
There is a whole world out there like that
Although it has occurred to me that one of the other places where I show up in my full, ad free version is here on the blog – you guys get to see my authentic self as well because in poetry and in writing there is no benefit to hiding
The point of difference in your creative work is in fact yourself so to be anyone or anything other than your very own self is attempted fraud
And photocopies are never as good as originals
Anyway to get to the point of this post (hark it appears hold on!)
We all have a light version of the app that is our own
But poetry and writing and showing up day after day as my deepest self
In all my crappy glory
Is having the oddest effect
My app seems to have hit an upgrade behind the scenes
There is no light app available anymore
The free yet full version is what downloads now when I show up to someone
In this world
And it’s the most freeing thing I have ever done
And if I had known that the expense of giving my full version away for free
Was actually costed on the effort of selling the light version that was supposed to be “free”
I would have just thrown in the upgrade for free from the start
But to be honest
I didn’t think anyone would ever have paid a dime anyway for the “light version”
We think that people prefer the comfortable, easy to accept, non controversial, more palatable version of ourselves
But here is the thing
Not everyone wants your sort of app in the first place
They may just not be interested in an app that strings words together
They might be more into one that gives info on beers
Or tells you the best place to eat
Or a review of all the people in the town where you live in an entertaining fashion
So let them go buy that
Your app doesn’t work that way
It strings words together and discusses concepts and dives deep into what makes this world function and how best to hack the system we are born with
My app is fascinated by the brain
I’ve actually taken mine out of the box and am eternally playing with it to find new ways it can work better for me
Well..it’s just me
And I’m giving my full version away for free
From a buyers point of view
The light version
It’s pretty shit 😁
*When I reopened this blog last year I happened to read a post by Seth Godin (who has sold many books and is a creative genius). Seth said that having a blog was one of the best things he has ever done and despite his success in other fields he still blogs every day.
The reason Seth blogs every day, is because he reckons that if a person is committed to having to come up with a blog post (hopefully a quality one or at least one that is to the best of their ability) then it will be life changing.
Creatively speaking it most certainly is, which is why I do it.
The app thing – that was an unforeseen benefit. Perhaps it is due to poetry and its powerful voice, our own authentic voice, which can only ever be “speaking from the heart”
Perhaps it is the act of authentically showing up in a public arena day after day after day.
Whatever the cause – blogging is the best decision I ever made in life and I’m so deeply grateful for the people who show up and have conversations with me here and in turn show up authentically on their blogs for me to enjoy reading
WordPress is a special community
We are so lucky to have found it
*important note – my sons, my husband – they have always got the full version of course. Just sometimes they turn off a couple of the functionalities …like volume and deep conversation because …
I’m pretty full on if I’m left on all day 😂😂😂
Header photo via Unsplash because I can’t always find what I want in my own collection and I’m too busy sometimes to go create some.