Leaning in, and out

There are days that fail us

We strive to do everything to the best of our ability

And still

After all that energy

Nothing goes right

Twenty-four hours in a day

Seven days in a week

Fifty-two weeks in a year

Days do not fail

They turn into another and another

We just haven’t got there yet

Be a little kinder

Close your eyes



And be again

*We put so much emphasis on timelines and deadlines and lines in general. But life isn’t linear, it’s literal and real and here already.

We tuck our goals and plans into our pockets, set out with purpose, all set to rock this world.

Then plans change. People die or get hurt. Inflation, the economy, pandemics, pregnancy, plot twist, car crash, whiplash, divorce, disagreement, dissolution …

None of which we can control

All the boxes on the calendar move, blend, change shape, bend until weeks don’t look anything like they used to.

We ourselves, don’t look anything resembling the person we once knew

Because here’s the thing, we change too


All it does is bring change and disturbance


It takes everything just to stand up to it, grab what we can before it falls into the whirling vortex and is jettisoned behind us


Doesn’t exist in the way that we imagine it

If we were sit for exactly one day in the sun, watch it as it drifts slowly overhead. Unhurried, because we are on a gigantic ball which is slowly rotating around an even bigger burning hot one – we realise that our mind cannot make any of it go faster or slower. All our important intentions have absolutely no impact on this natural process. It has happened for thousands of years before we were born. It will keep happening after we die.


We see, is actually a non existent made up thing that isn’t real

Time is an endless moment that is never waiting to happen, nor has it happened yet

It is here

I love the saying “what is for us cannot miss us.” It really can’t. And there is a relaxation in that knowledge. There is nothing to chase. We become who we are in one place. This place. This is who we are. It doesn’t mean that we cannot dream, but there is no huge shift required, no hurdles to leap, no hoops through which to squeeze.

We already are.

So we simply lean towards who we wish to be, and automatically, we become

Who we already are

I have read things like this before but I didn’t understand the concept. Of course time is real I would think. Or even if I began to understand the idea on one level, I couldn’t fathom it on every level. I couldn’t grasp it fully. Now I do, and this is how I’ve come to know it myself. If it doesn’t make sense I apologise, and I can only say, one day it will. When it does you will have arrived at your own version of what is a universal and fundamental truth. Time doesn’t exist, we do.

Header photo: Tony Detroit Unsplash

18 thoughts on “Leaning in, and out

  1. You have no idea how much I needed to read this post right now. I am having one of those weeks where everything just keeps going wrong and falling apart no matter how hard I try. I need to remember that “Time doesn’t exist, we do.”

    • I’m glad it helped Pooja, it helped me as I wrote it – we become so caged in our days, our hours. We have to remember our birthright is freedom and we are as wild as the birds. We choose to be hemmed into these tiny calendar boxes. It’s madness really. I hope it frees up your time somewhat to realise, like I did, that we don’t have to do what the watch on our wrist says, or even our trained inner clock – we can listen to the sunrise instead. The moon was massive and red this morning, still sinking in the sky, even as the sun was rising. I was fixing a cup of coffee, watching it out the window, I had to smile – how on earth could I think I could control something that huge and wild and boundless?

  2. I love the way you write about time as a concept and as a practical visceral experience, creating the time, no time distinction beautifully. Lovely post, Kate.

  3. Great post, Kate. It really gave me food for thought. There are so many interesting points in this post that it’s hard to pick out my favourite part. I find it scary that time goes so quickly despite what we do or don’t do. When I look back at my life, I feel I’ve wasted so much of it, although a lot of that was in the years when I was very unwell, mostly with mental health issues. I didn’t appreciate time and the brevity of life back then. I have so many regrets about not making the most of the time I had, watching life pass me by, not being there enough for my children etc. However, I’m well now and have a great relationship with my children and four grandchildren. I appreciate every minute of every day now. Life goes on as you explained and we can’t change the past; only make the most of every minute of our present and the future we have in front of us. Thank you for bringing some very interesting points to light. I’ve appreciated your writing here. Thanks. Ellie 🌞

    • Thanks Ellie for you thoughtful response. Waste? I have so much but perhaps without the time that came to nothing I would not have the ability to focus now. I think those years mean so much in terms of personal growth. I give myself a break for the waste and call it growth instead, we don’t look at a magnificent tree and call the time it grew to that height wasted. Humans have the ability to grow into magnificent people and some of the best ones were wastrels and gamblers in their youth. Like trees, our wisdom and years of growth are hidden on the inside, in our circles and patterns of learning. We don’t all become towering Redwoods and Gums some of us are bent Cypress, roots in the rocks, face to the wind, hardy and resilient, we’ve dug in and are here for whatever comes. Whatever season of growth we are in, being alive and having a healthy dose of self knowledge is the main thing.

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