A dog digging a hole is happy
Sometimes they are digging to bury a bone
Or investigate a noise
Lost in the digging they avoid all thought other than
I
Am
Digging
But when they surface
happily panting
A little wild eyed
Is when the reality arrives
And they wonder if perhaps that great and wide, exciting excavation
Was just digging, the whole time
Except they don’t, because dogs don’t think about why they are doing something – they just do it
And afterwards, they leave it behind
Totally
A dog admonished for digging a hole which the owner has found half an hour later, will look guilty perhaps, but it’s like wondering why the stars are up there, we just don’t know and neither do they.
Following creative impulses is just the same.
I have been engrossed the last month or so. Building a new website, kitting it out until it feels like an authentic home. Expanding and revising and republishing my book. Travelling, camping, writing, photographing, posting and writing poetry. And now I’m deep in planning for another trip to a writers festival in Winton in a couple of weeks time to set up my first ever face to face market and sell my book.
How exciting!
And in amongst all that creating has been the busyiness of living and administering a business, loving my family and cooking and cleaning and being a human.
This morning I cleaned out the fireplace, lit a great big satisfying fire and it all hit me at once.
Have I just been digging?
Am I utterly delusional?
Do I really believe anyone is going to buy my book?
Join my poetry workshops?
Need my help?
Am I actually just a hack and a delusional one at that?
And I let it all hit me, one nasty thought after another.
Until like a popped balloon I sank further into the leather of the sofa. I let it all out because I’m familiar with this feeling and the only way over is through.
I let it drop me the way it always has, because being creative is exactly like this. The ups always end in downs. Always. And then an up will come along again – but in the meantime..
How do we know anything?
We are dogs digging, chasing an instinct.
Dig!
Just dig!
At least it brings joy and who cares if you are delusional? The fact that you’re having a think about things now and then probably means you aren’t.
But don’t think too hard. Life itself is an illusion – it’s all just a screen – and the biggest joke of all is that we have this window in time, where we decide what matters. We get to choose. And still so often we waste it.
So when I’m done resting, I’m going digging again. How about you?
Love
Header photo: my beautiful dog Bodhi the day before she died. I knew something wasn’t right but not quite what. The next day I took her to the vet and then folded as if struck when I was told she was terminal and in another week it would be painful for her.
Bodhi lived life to the max. Always by my side she taught me joy and love and gave me the deepest wound of all my dogs in leaving.
I couldn’t write about her death, how she lay beside me, put her head on my leg and went to sleep. Utterly trusting to the end that I would do the right thing.
I think some part of me imagined she would be around forever, that I would.
That was two months ago.
I won’t ever have another dog – Bodhi was the last. But she gave me an even greater gift than her love, her passing gave me the realisation that this is it. This is life. All we get.
I quit my other job two weeks later and I’ve been digging ever since.
What a profound and delightful poem of digging where our heart leads us in sheer bliss. Your words are so relatable as much as I just brought Duke in digging through manure. I am with you both here, there is a pony that offers delight and the illusion through the window pane isn’t always as it seems. Your words offer inside, guidance and growth that I’m sure you’ll find at the writers conference. I’m glad you are finding respite in places of being a human which isn’t always easy.
Blessing to your sweet Bodhi who will always be a reckoning force while you continue digging, collapsing into the leather and sharing insights of knowing and growth.
Have fun!!!!
💗
Thanks Cindy 🙂 XX
🩷🩷🩷
I can dig it, Kate. Yet, from the sofa where I sit, you’re an extraordinary writer, and people can see this, read your work and feel that your heart and soul has a voice worthy of their minds, time. Believe in yourself, the effort vested to create your works, and stay positive while knowing that, even during of moments of doubt, there are many people who stand behind you and admire your many talents. Best wishes always, my friend 🙂
Phil this is why I value the WordPress community so much. And it is when I am in the depths of “digging” that I really find that support. Kind words, encouragement and people who dig it and get me are so important to sustainability of the creative process. So thankyou very much for you beautiful words they mean a lot as does your support always 💕
Back atcha, Kate. I appreciate you, your kindness & creativity. Thanks a bunch, my friend 💕
That’s a beautiful tribute to and legacy from Bodhi.
Thanks for letting uspeek through that screen.
DD
Thanks David, Bodhi was an exceptional dog – but then they all are and I think all of mine have taught me plenty and I miss them all.
Kate i’m sorry to read about Bodhi.Mike
Thanks Mike. It has taken me ages to be able to try and condense the feelings – a lot of words, in the end not many sum it up anyway. But thanks x
Finding the right words to honor a very good dog is never easy, but you did it beautifully. Bodhi clearly dug her way into your heart, joyfully and deeply. Thank you for sharing her story—it’s a gift to those of us who understand the ache and the beauty of such a bond. And never say never about getting another dog. My wife and I swore we were retired dog people after cancer took our first one unexpectedly. We’re now four years into dog number two and can’t imagine life without him. All those holes somehow make us whole.
Dogs are the most amazing beings. Thank you Tracy for your kind words – I’ll say never for now 🙂
dogs are wonderful. I’m grateful for the time we had with our dogs, us and the grandkids. I said goodbye to Chloe , my last dog; I held her paws while she was put to sleep. But hey ! a Writers’ Festival ! What fun! Go , enjoy yourself, share your work, let Fate hold your hand. The experience is invaluable. Tell us about it 🙂
I certainly will John. I’m so excited – an entire week to follow my dreams and immerse myself in photography and other writers and writing – sounds like heaven doesn’t it 😁
yes, keep us in the loop, Kate; we’re excited too —
💓🐾💙
I’m sorry about the loss of your dog Bodhi <3
Sending best wishes that you'll have a positive response to your book at the writers festival in Winton 🙂
Hi Rosaliene thank you.
Beautiful… as always… 🙂
I’m sorry for your loss of Bodhi, pets become family and it’s hard when they pass. However, she definitely taught you an important lesson. Chasing and focusing on our happiness is so important.
🩷thanks, she certainly did teach me many things, to keep the teachings is the thing. We can only try.