My shadow is stitched to my foot

All that is black and self defeating

All the rot

Follows me

I could cut it off, but then I would never know where it is hiding

It could spring from the trees on a perfect summers evening

And ambush my feelings

Bring me low

A lightening blow

Self-defeated so easily

Instead

I take all about me that I dread

Stitch it so closely it can never escape my head

I keep all that self hatred

Just here

Though she burns me

Embrace my loathing

Keep her even closer

Right here

Though it stings

And every time she rears her head

I kiss her dark cheek

Tenderly whisper

“I love you”

For she has been here

All these long years

Really just an old childhood fear

Trying to keep me safe

I hear Hate

Call her Kate

And promise her

There is nothing that can hurt us anymore

I hear Hate

Call her Kate

And take her hand

She is no longer lonely

Small

defenseless

I hear Kate

And that’s all I hear in here anymore..

*these are the parts of us that we don’t like. The self defeating bits that ambush our thoughts

Assumptions

Doubts

Fears

Habits

Reactions

Triggers

All of the things – we all have them and we try to separate ourselves away from the things that hurt us. Push them away, write them away, ignore them.

What if instead we embraced all of our inner demons, and invited them in.

Said “you can live here, but you can’t wreck things. You can live here, but you can’t control me. You can live here, but you have to use your inside voice and pick up after yourself.”

I’m trying it

Why not?

Tea anyone?

Lifou- is this how it is spelt? I’m not sure, I will have to check. The header picture shows our little tender boats that ferry all the tourists back and forth to the island. There are cringeworthy parts of travel. The sheer amount and weight of privilege arriving to shore. I try and think instead of what our economy is bringing to their economy and hoping it is a balanced exchange for a few hours spent respectfully in their beautiful paradise.

I’m looking forward to putting my feet to earth, beach sand at least. Different people and new lands. How exciting!

Oh and not so exciting, I’m back on Instagram and Twitter. I did a deal with my inner demon, and around we go again 😊 apparently people who write books really must have social media😏

I’m learning on this writers retreat, and I’m embracing, or trying to, all the aspects of writing. As we all know, it isn’t just about the craft, we then have to sell the finished product or what is the point of all those long hours of work?

A late post, I slept in. Have an awesome day! I plan to snorkel in the crystal waters and make my way around some ancient forests. 😁🌊🌅 🍃