Worry is a kind of prayer

Or so I’ve come to realise

I thought it was a lack of faith

And perhaps it is, if it’s not directed anywhere

My worry has always been directed to God

And I believe it has always found its mark

Because there is very little that I have worried about

(And I’ve worried a lot)

That has ever come to pass

But there have been plenty of things

That I never saw coming

That arrived

And shocked me

I worried about them – then – too

And they were – then – never quite as bad as they could have been

They passed and left me wiser

Or stronger

And I moved on

Which is how I finally came to realise

That worry is prayer

And in knowing that

I finally relaxed

And worried less

Prayed more

From a faithful place

That puts great store

In something much greater than I will ever be

I have a little more patience now

With the worrier in me

*This realization is as recent as this afternoon. I got a phone call from a man that had potentially bad news. And I immediately began to worry about things.

I was thinking hard, taking the rubbish over to the skip across the yard when I stopped in frustration with myself. I had a lovely evening ahead planned with family coming over to have dinner for my eldest sons birthday.

This issue now loomed front of mind. I didn’t want it to occupy my thoughts, my cooking and lurk at the back of my smile invading happy conversation.

“How on earth do I stop this bloody worrying, I’m so tired of it?” I asked to no one in particular.

As I’ve mentioned in various posts – I’m a worrier. Have been since I was a little kid. I was much worse then but perhaps we just learn to hide it better.

Anyway I turned my mind instead to the problem of worry. How to stop it.

The thought entered my head that nothing (or nothing big that I can recall ever worrying about) had ever actually came to pass.

Or if it did – it ended up being a storm in a tea cup.

What a waste of energy, yet still here I was at fifty worrying about another “something that might happen” that I couldn’t control.

“What if worry is a kind of prayer?”

As I had this thought it made immediate sense to me.

All these things I worry about that never come to pass.

All the things that I never saw coming that did.

And then I worry about them and they never turn out as bad as they could have.

What if worry is prayer?

What if it is already answered as soon as we worry?

I don’t know if this will make a difference to anyone else but it does to me.

Worry is a kind of prayer – knowing this makes it so much easier to stop.

But just to make sure, I’ll always give any impending or potential issues a good worry first. Hey, the system has some damn good stats. It’s always worked

But then I will let it go, knowing now that prayers really are either answered or what is happening is for my own good.

We had a beautiful evening. My mind was fully engaged in the moment, in my family and the enjoyment of it all.

It was only now as I sat with a cup of tea that I remembered my earlier thoughts about worry and prayer. The issue no longer bothers me in the slightest – I know it is an answered prayer – it will either not happen or if it does, I will learn something from it and then like the fleeting event it was – it will disappear.

Everything passes, hopefully this afternoon is the last time I worry with anxiety, from now on I will do so with faith.